The Grass Doctor

Please give me some ideas to improve Persuasive essay about enforcing immigraiton laws between US and Mexico?

Here is what I have so far..... Imagine you are a sixteen year old livening in South Texas along the Mexican border. Mowing neighbor’s lawns is just not bringing in enough money for you. You begin to search for a part time job. Everywhere you go you are turned down by the employers. At first you can not think why they would turn you down. Then you find out they are hiring illegal immigrants. You feel cheated because you lost your job to an illegal immigrant that was willing to work for wags that are under the minimum wage. According to The Center for Immigration Studies over one million illegal immigrants come over the border every year. US citizen’s tax dollars are going towards paying for immigrant’s welfare and education. Our government needs to enforce the immigration laws that are currently being ignored. The government could start enforcing these laws by cracking down and penalizing companies that hire illegal immigrants. here is the part that got cut out... The government could start enforcing these laws by cracking down and penalizing companies that hire illegal immigrants. This would send a message to illegal immigrants that we will not hire them unless they have a valid visa. Companies that have been around for years now are shutting down because they can no longer compete with other companies that are hiring illegal aliens for less money. Our government should start enforcing laws that will shut down companies if they are found hiring illegal aliens. Illegal immigrants that are living in the United States right now are using American tax dollars to send their kids school.

Public Comments

1. look how it effects people, not just in the employment field, but in housing, and community ways.
2. The part you cut out seems to be important. I recommend reading over all your word, rewording it, and re-reading it again. That helps you find your own mistakes, and helps improve your grammar. After doing this ask yourself questions such as "what is it missing?", and "does this sentence make any sense?". That really helps me write essays.
3. You might want to include something about the Dream Act. Especially if you want to go to college. Our government wants to give your spot to an illegal alien.
4. You could add something about lax borders making it easy for people who want to harm this country, ie terrorists, to get in. Some people want the borders tightened for national security reasons.
5. MUCH better, this time. As to the answers slamming your concerns because these people "want a better life," ask them why those people lazily refuse to build a Japan, a Germany, a United States? Much better, this time. I do agree with the earlier answerer who insisted you re-read and re-word what you've done. Obviously, at some point, you'll need to submit whatever you have. But the beauty in writing is your freedom to correct, rethink, revise. ...
6. google "Immigration by the Numbers" you will find factual information there on the result of the criminals crossing the border