The Grass Doctor

Would you read this? (Kids/Teens)?

Heart Broken Preference I promised myself that I would never fall in love again. I loved him. He loved me. But, what happened to him… broke me. Now I’m just like a toy. A broken toy, a toy that no one cares about anymore. A toy with only 1 eye and 1 arm. I wish I wasn’t broken, I wish I was brand new, like the way I was when I met him. But that will never happen again. Now I’m Heartbroken. Chapter One It was in April. The middle of the month, the flowers just bloomed. It was like rainbows on the ground every were possible. The air was filled with the sweet smell of fresh cut grass. The sun didn’t come out yet. The sun was too shy, it was hiding behind the clouds because it was the 1st day of school after break. I was shy too. I just moved to this new town, Hampshire-brook. It was nice I guess, there were a lot of lakes and ponds and other nice things. But it would never be the same as my home town. In the car on my way too school I passed a lot of houses. They were all different… different colors, shapes and sizes. Many of them had children playing outside on the front lawn or the deck. The children made me want to be the same age as them. Where life wasn’t so complicated and you could do whatever you wanted to do. No one would yell at what you did. Everyone loved you even if you did something wrong. “Clair, are you exited for your first day of school” My mom asked me. My mom was… was… a little weird from time. She was a good mother but she could get a little preppy. I wasn’t t preppy. I guess maybe a little but not as much as the others I heard were going to this school. “Mom, you know I’m not. I haven’t been, ever. This school doesn’t look that great you know. The kids are too preppy for my likening.” “Honey... if you scared…” “Mom I’m not scared! Can we just get there on time. I don’t want to be late for my first day of school. That wouldn’t look good for me” I replied. I arrived with 6 minutes to spare before class would start. I knew I was going to be late. I didn’t even know my first class! When I walked into the office no one seemed to notice I was there, which was fine with me. (I don’t like to stand out) I walked up to the desk and behind it was a short man. He had black wavy hair and dark brown eyes. His eye brows were huge. They were all over the place like a catipeiler. The man’s mouth was quite small. His lips were skinny and a very light pink. He didn’t look up at me. “Um…Excuse me. Mr. I’m new here, my name is Clair Firefeild. Can I have my Schedule?” “Are you talking to me?” He said like I was interrupting something really important. “Uh, Yeah.” I told him “Kay, You want your thing. Kay. One sec.” “Okay. Thank you” There was something very odd about that man. He seemed like he didn’t even care about his job or this school. He went into a room in the corner of the room. While I waited I looked around the room. The room was blue and orange. I guess that was the school colors. I liked it. It was better than the colors at my other school, Brown and Yellow. “Clair Firefeild. Here you go. I hope you enjoy your first day. Your locker is right next to the boys bathroom. Locker 727. Good Luck.” “Thank you.” How wonderful. Right next to the boys bathroom. Oh joy. I can’t wait. Ugh this year was not going to be fun I could tell already. Oh and if you want me to email you the rest just email me. (cococatcm@yahoo.com) P.S IT gets better haha.... and you find out why she is heartbroken in Chapter 3

Public Comments

1. Yes, I would. Great job... I love the way you describe things in detail, although I think it's too...how do I explain this...fast? But, can't wait for the next part! Good work!
2. "It was in April. The middle of the month, the flowers just bloomed. It was like rainbows on the ground every were possible. The air was filled with the sweet smell of fresh cut grass. The sun didn’t come out yet. The sun was too shy, it was hiding behind the clouds because it was the 1st day of school after break. I was shy too." This is in my opinion to kidsy. The sun was too shy is too cliche. The idea of sun hiding behind the clouds is cliche as well. Do you like this version? April has arrived. The air is filled with the scent of the earth and the scent of grass. A droplet of water glistened brightly, illuminated by the rising sun, and fell from the tender-green leaf. The first day of school- and here I am, the New Girl. In this section things are happening too fast. The description of the teacher is too direct. Don't just say I arrived with 6 minutes to spare... Describe how you got there. Is the new girl sitting on a bus or train alone? Maybe staring out of the window wondering what's next for her? Also a tip here, I think that present tense will work better in your story. Do not use brackets! Maybe change it to something like this... Rushing into the corridor, I realise I only have a few minutes to spare. Boy, I knew I was going to be late! The idea of not having even a timetable is even more troublesome. I walk into the office. The teachers sit in front of their computers, working on some Word document. The keyboard goes 'tap tap' in the awkward silence. No one notices me, it's like I am transparent. But that's fine with me- I have never wanted to stand out in the first place. Silently I creep up to the last computer. That should be my teacher... a ridiculously short man with crazy wavy hair sticking out in all directions. His thin lips pressed against each other as if he himself is in deep thought. Great. Just great. The rest is pretty good and the idea is fantastic. It may suit teens more than children though. Just watch your spelling, grammar and punctuation and it will be a masterpiece!!! Less complicated name may help too! Good luck! P.S. Now I am reminded I agree. This reminds me of Twilight...
3. No. Not my thing. Answer mine? http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AtaUsCbaV.PqjyeQmhPm5Gyj5HNG;_ylv=3?qid=20100625063256AA13tjv
4. I would, though an adult now, I had to transfer high schools when I was a sophomore, so spot on.
5. No
6. If I really am honest, no, I wouldn't read it. It's not written well and the grammar is quite bad. And the preference seems just like another Twilight style spin-off.