The Grass Doctor

HELP!!! my friend is acting like a bum (like she is pregnant to get cash)!!!?

my best friend... her mom was pregnant with her when she was 14 years old (will never have any idea who the dad is). she was raised by her grandparents. her grandma died. a couple years later her aunt killed herself OD on pills... soon after her grandpa killed himself by not taking his meds. the ONLY person that is left in her family is her mom. she lived with her mom & stepdad for a while... her stepdad used to beat her... her mom never believed her. she finally got the chance to get away from the abuse and moved in with this guy she was dating. he ended up being crazy (literally)... first, he got her addicted to herion so she wouldnt want to leave him. then he would beat her up. she had bruises all over her body from him (yet never reported it). she tried to leave him (but he would just sweet talk to her.. & she would end up going back for the drugs). she broke up with him... he ended up in the hospital from OD-ing on herion (tried to commit suicide).... he has gotten a little better since then (only bc it made him partially retarded)..... & then they were back together. about a year ago, he was driving. fell asleep at the wheel. truck flipped 15 times... and my girl flew out the window. she had many injuries and has just started walking again a couple of months ago. now, she stays with him bc he has a house.... she claims she has nowhere to go, which is pretty much true... her mom is a bitch & wants absolutely nothing to do with her (why the f in the first place did she have a kid if she dont wanna raise it???). but there are options such as domestic violence houses for woman trying to get away from abused people. she turned that down... she always told me bc she didnt wanna be considered homeless.... & she said she wouldnt get cigerettes or anything in there.. but if she is determined to leave him, you would think she would go. they have been cutting lawns, getting food stamps & a little money from unemployment.... i just found out that they are standing out on the street... acting like BUMS.........!!!! (yeah i dont wanna be considered homeless... BS)..we used to always make fun of these people... i don't understand how she stooped to this level. she is a smart girl, i just wished she used it in the right ways.... she said she stood out on the street saying she was pregnant.... & she was happy bc she made almost $100... the way she was talking~she acted like this is a new great way to make money............. i am in SHOCK.... & speechless. I am the closest thing to family she has. I care about this girl.. & I know I shouldn't get too deep into the problems.. but the thing is... I want to help. Her and I were born next door to each other & have been best friends since. She used to be so much fun.... & now I am getting to the point where I cant stand being around her sometimes... She needs to step up and say I have a problem & fix it. Until she does that, I dunno if there is hope for her. I know she has been through a lot...& she has no one guiding her (she is only 21).......... but I just want to know: Is there hope for her? (there is more to the story but those are the main points).

Public Comments

1. This almost made me cry, but there is definitely hope for her. I have done things that would completely shock people (things as bad as what you're talking about, although I won't go into specifics), and I'm fine now. You have to WANT to change though, and it doesn't sound like she's ready yet. You know as well as I do that you can't MAKE her change. Just let her know that you'll always be there for her. That's really all you can do at this point.
2. its called "panhandling" and yes, its basically begging for change on the street. Dont worry too much, a pretty young girl of 21 cant panhandle or be a street person for very long... she'll get snatched, raped and killed in no time.... I mean, she might get lucky and be pimped out, but its far more likely she'll be pumped and dumped with her throat slit
3. God Bless You!!! The only thing you can do at this point, since she is considered an adult is to listen and give advice. But, do not expect her to take it. This girl has serious problems and only she can change herself. If you know he is hurting her, but you have to know it is going on at the exact moment, you can call the police to intervene. But the only way you can be sure is to be there and I would beg of you to stay away from the two while they are together. He may well hurt you. And your friend would let him or might even attempt to hurt you herself. Drugs are a powerful influence and they wipe out all love. Abuse is also a powerful dictator and your friend has to want to leave. And a women's shelter is the only answer. As for the lie about being pregnant, what they are doing is illegal and you can report that to the police. That might get her away from him and off the street long enough to make a good decision though it is unlikely. Also, should that lie become a reality, then you could do something to help the baby. Your friend does not need a baby. And should she really get pregnant, you should call the local CPS department and tell exactly what you just wrote here so they could remove the child from that environment. Of course, they usually will only intervene after the birth of the baby. But should she really get pregnant, depending on your state, you can check the laws and find out of there is a law that is in place to protect her unborn child. If so, she might be placed in custody to protect the baby. This would get her off the street and away from the bum long enough to get cleaned up. She would most likely return first chance she got however, as she sounds as though this is the life she has chosen. But, you said she is only pretending to be pregnant. That limits your options. Since you obviously are a very special someone that cares, you can call the local chapter of AL-ANON and get some advise from them. They may be able to direct you to other organizations. Also look for Crisis Lines and Abused Women's Groups where you can talk anonymously. However, the problem cannot be resolved without your friend wanting it to be. If you do intervene in any way, she will most likely be very angry with you. Be prepared for that and please stay away from this couple. Sometimes the best thing you can do for a loved one is back away. It hurts. But only they can change their situation. And again, God Bless You for caring and Good Luck.
4. i have no many