The Grass Doctor

Do you take care of your lawn? If you do what type of lawn care products do you use? At irondale high school our class is doing a project the lexus eco challenge. Our topic for our group is lawn care products. we would appreciate it if you would take time to answer our questions :)

Is scotts lawn care products pet safe? I have a little pomeranian that is very close to the ground. Do I have to worry if I choose to use this product?

Why might a salesperson for a manufacture of lawn care products need a good chemistry background? i will really appreciate it if your answers will be explained thoroughly.... (like an essay) tnx a lot..

Do I really need a spreader (eg Scotts AccuGreen 300) to apply lawn care products to my lawn ? I just purchased Scotts 4 Step Lawn Care Program, its an annual program and I am going to do Step One tomorrow. It just makes no sense to buy a $50 product to do something a task I can easily do with a common cup from my kitchen. Please help me....thank you

why does a salesperson working for the manufacturers of lawn care products need a good chemistry background?

does anyone have any experience with any jonathan green lawn care products? Better, worse than pennington or scotts?

Yes or no to weed and feed lawn products to be applied during fall? Good or bad idea? I have been told to not fertilize anything when winter is approaching. Then I see lawn care products advertising to be applied in the fall. So, should I apply weed and feed to my lawn ( in central ILL) or not?

where online can i purchase ortho lawn care products? crabgrass,foxtail killer

What are some dog-friendly lawn and garden care products? I am specifically looking for a grass-growing aid and a pesticide. Are there any pet-friendly products out there? I am new to gardening so I have no clue where to start looking!

what kind of inventory and products would i need for lawn care? ok, so im starting a business that does lawn care in the summer and plows some snow off your driveway in winter. what kind of supplies do i need? everbody plz pitch in.

will the lawn care product grub-ex harm the birds that eat the grubs? I know you cant let animals like dogs on it because they will get sick.

what lawn care product has given you the best results for a greener thicker lawn?

Is thier a safer or natual lawn care product? I'm wondering if anyone knows of a home remedy or just some sort of natural way of killing weeds in your yard and making grass prettier.My daughter is very allergic to all the Chemicals.But the weeds are bad on here also.She takes shots for her allergies but the Chemicals are still a problem..Thanks so much..Melody

What is the best product to use to get rid of poison oak/ivy in a garden or lawn? What is the best lawn care product to use to get rid of poison oak or poison ivy? Also in an effort to be more environmentally conscious are there natural non-chemical products that are effective in getting rid of poison oak or poison ivy?

Lawn care advice so I don't poison my baby? I have a one year old. Previously we have used whatever lawn care products. I have a hard time finding the organic stuff. My husban recently sprayed moss killer (non-organic) in the back yard but not the front. Previous to this, since last summer, we have not used anything. Questions My little guy was playing in the untreated since last summer front yard grass. Would there be anything dangerous left over? If we get organic lawn care products and treat the back yard again should I still keep him off the grass because of the non-organic stuff that was used? I'm not good at this stuff as it is. Now I need to figure out how to have a nice lawn and not poison my toddler!! Any help or advice would be great. Thanks

Is it ok to use starter fertilizer throughout the summer months on a lawn that is already established? I tried this with my last yard and it seemed to work well, giving my lawn a very thick, green appearance. The Scott's starter fertilizer was the only product I used, no turf builder or other lawn care product. I am just curious if doing this will cause any long term damage to my yard?

What do Chemlawn and other lawn care companies do to your lawn that can't be done yourself? What do Chemlawn and other lawn care companies do to your lawn that can't be done yourself? With products from Home Depot Lowe's etc?

I have crab grass and mixed grass, what are some good lawn care tips? It looks like i mostly have fusia? or what ever it is called, the thin blade grass. But I have some grab grass and it looks like a mix of other thick blade grass. I want to 1. Fix the dead/bare spots 2. Get rid of the other types of grass 3. Have a healthy green lawn 4. Know of some good products to use Is it to late in the summer to fix this or do I have to wait till next season?

Lawn care from start to finish? Ok, I have a pretty decent lawn right now. But next year in the spring, I really wanna jump on it and get some fescue grass established. Problem is, I don't know what to do first. Should I try and get rid of the bermuda grass & others out of the ground, or is this unnecessary? what are the best products for this type of 'project?' I've read plenty on weed-and-feed products, just not sure what kind is best. Thanks for your time.

I am starting a lawn care business, would like some advice? I am starting small, so I want the basic equipment for small yards considering the neighborhood I am in has small yards all close together. I want a push mower, but what is the best kind for a business? Best weedwacker, and edger? Best blower? Links to products are appreciated or as much info as possible, thank you!

Is there anything unusual you do in terms of yard work or lawn care? Ex. always mowing in a certain pattern, unconventional products, unusual techniques.

Where can I find a lawn care guide? I'm trying to gather some information regarding what treatments to give my lawn. It is a dry and weed-infested lawn. I have heard of the Scott's treatments...four or five cycles maybe. Does anyone have a calendar of sorts and a recommendation of what products to use and when? Thank you. BTW, I live in Virginia. It's a wonderful state.

I need advice on a lawn care program.? I live in KY and want to get my lawn in better shape. Right now I have some dandelion, clover, and crabgrass invading my Bluegrass. Can I use weed-n-feed products anytime of the year as often as I want? What other fertilizers/weed killers, etc should I use and when? What brands do you reccomend? I also have a dog so don't want anything that will be harmful to my pet.

Lawn care. I live in Atlanta, GA and have not had success with weeding and fertilizing my lawn. What is the ? What is the best product to buy...that really works? I have wild onion, henbit, and crabgrass. I usally buy Scotts products and I never seem to have a nice green, weed free lawn. I have Bermuda and Tall Fescue.

What is the correct way to manage my lawn? I like in the Chicago area and have moved into a new home (8 years old). I am unaware of the previous owner's lawn care techniques. The reason for my question is that today I saw my first Japanese Beetle. Some websites say to treat for grubs now with the first sighting of a Beetle. The lawn looks good overall, but I do not some thatch. The yellow spots in the lawn are minimal. I do have an inground sprinkler system. My question is when is the best time to dethatch my lawn, and apply appropriate chemicals throughout the year in Chicago? What products and dethatching techniques are recommended? I appreciate your thoughts in advance!

Lawn care in midwest ,help needed ,plz? We are new home owners and have no clue about lawn care. Until y'day our lawn was taken care by trugreen ,but we found their services are very expensive and got it cancelled.They areated our lawn y'day.Don't know what we have to do next before winter starts. Need help with lawn care tips ,season wise along with product names.This info would be of great help.Thanks in advance.

Which would you use to kill grass? Naturally or with store bought products? I have a section in my yard that I want to kill the grass so I can put down some pea gravel for a playground. What would you use? If you choose natural please say why and what is the recipe? If you choose the store bought products, please say why and which kind. I am a 100 % noob when it comes to lawn care.

Lawn Care help!(read below)? Okay so our lawn is not the best, and we need something to help make it better we have used scotts turf builder last season, but it did not help really our lawn is not horrible but there is some blank spots near the edges of our front lawn so what type of fertilizer and seeds should we buy and how often should you cut and water your lawn during spring/summer to keep it healthy and what can you do in the winter to keep your lawn healthy please reccomened any products to use as well as tips! THANKS~

School me on proper shady lawn care? Here are some particulars: live in PA, have about a third of an acre with about a 10, 50-60 year old trees in my yard. There's a mix of grass, moss, weeds, and other organic matter (acorns, twigs, needles, etc) on the ground now. I'm trying to grow grass effectively. This is the third spring we've been here, and in the previous two years, I've put down random 2-3 pound bags of grass to try to get some of the repair started. It's pretty spotty and I did notice that this spring, some of the seed that I planted in the past 2 years had surprisingly began to emerge! But it's still pretty thin. I'm not interested in tearing up the whole lawn and starting from scratch. I'm interested in perhaps trying some of those new products like Scotts EZ Seed, but want to perhaps mix it with another seed to a) control costs, and b) have a grass that can grow fast, but live throughout the year and remain after the grounds thaw in the winter. Is this doable? If so, what are your tips to help my partial lawn grow into a nice, thick lawn? BQ, I just spread some weed 'n feed in my front lawn, how long should I wait to spread seed so that the new seed won't burn from the fertilizer? I appreciate the input. But I will also add that my neighbors have GREAT lawns. So my physical attributes don't matter TOO much. I'm just wondering how I can get over the hump! :)!

lawn care>? i am in ma. my lawn is in pretty bad shape. when should i seed? when should i put down the scotts product that prevents crab grass? in which order?

How can I kill dandelions that have taken over my lawn? The previous owners of the house we moved into a couple of years ago hadn't taken good care of the lawn. It is covered with dandelions that seem inpossible to get rid of. Because there are so many of them, pulling them by hand or spraying with Roundup one by one isn't an option. In prior years I've tried the Scott's Steps 1-4 products, which haven't helped. Ideally, I'd like to find a natural solution rather than a chemical solution to use on the lawn because I have pets and children. Also, please don't tell me that the only thing to do is tear up the lawn and start from scratch! It's not in our current budget. Thanks.

Lawn Care - Centepede Grass? I live in Pensacola, FL, and fall, or whatever they call it here, is coming and I have 2 problems with my Centepede lawn. 1.) Too many weeds, 2.) dead spots from our early summer drought. A.) What is the best way to repair the dead spots? B.) What will work best to kill the weeds (a weed & feed or just a weed killer)? Give me a recommended product name also please. C.) Which should I do first? D.) When should I be doing each? Rp

I need Grub & lawn care advise? My lawn is destroyed by grubs. I'm going to till the lawn down to soil & then re-seed. I'm going to use GrubX or a similar product prior to seeding. How long do I have to wait before seeding, fertilizing, ect., after I use the grub remover?

Help needed with lawn care? I have just mowed my 350yds square lawn and noticed quite a few weed patches with tiny purple heads on them, plus I have now got clumps of toadstools coming through, what is the best product to use. Do I use a general weed and feed, and which is the best recommended, or do I use a weed killer on the offending plants and then a lawn feed? The trouble is that I have a 9 month old Labrador puppy who spends a lot of his time on it, so what is available that is dog-friendly?

Can you use Yates dynamic lifter for lawns as a replacement for KNO3 in a smoke bomb? http://www.yates.com.au/products/lawn-care/lawn-fertiliser/dynamic-lifter-advanced-for-lawns/

Lawn care question - should I seed this season or in the spring? I know that fall is one of the best times to seed your lawn but I have gotten a late start on laying down Scotts Turf Builder with wintergaurd. This is the bag with the weed control added. It says on the bag that I should wait 4 weeks after applying before seeding the lawn. In 4 weeks it will be approaching mid November and I am concerned that this will be too late to try and seed before it is too cold. I am in KY and we have already had a few nights in the lower 40s and upper 30s. I have already applied the product to the front yard but now I am wondering if I should just focus on seeding the back lawn instead of applying the Wintergaurd and then next Spring I can apply a weed controller product. 1. Will it be too late to seed the front lawn in early to mid November in KY (zone 6). 2. Should I forget the Scotts product in the back yard and instead just get the seed laid down instead? Thanks - any other help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for the help, guys. This is an existing lawn and I have already bought a 50lb bag of k 31 fescue. Apparently a popular choice around here and recommended to me by a couple of people. I guess once this Scotts works and nukes all the weeds then I will just have to deal with bare spots until I can seed that area in the spring.

Please advise on proper lawn care for stickers and thorns? I am trying to kill these weeds that have very sharp stickers with thorns in my Mom's yard. I bought a weed killer for emerging weeds from Scott's that attached to the hose and sprayed it a few days ago. I don't want to kill the grass she currently has. I read that the stickers do not like competition and that the soil needed to be healthy with lots of grass so the stickers would not have room to grow. How can I feed the lawn easily without killing it? How hard is it to spread grass seeds? What product can I use that is attached to the hose for distribution to feed the lawn and kill the weeds at the same time? This is the product I used a few days ago: http://www.scotts.com/smg/catalog/productTemplate.jsp?proId=prod10280044&itemId=cat50064

Newbie on lawn care - Am I on the right track? I purchased some Miracle Gro Lawn Food to help my lawn. Last October, I seeded my back yard and it is starting to really take sprout. Is this product a good product to use on the new seedlings? Also, my front yard needs to be more thicker and greener. Is the Miracle Gro still a good choice? The sod in the front is 1.5 years old. Finally, what months would be best to start using the product? The grass is starting to turn green. Do I wait until it is hotter and spring is in full swing or begin now?

Grass problem please help.? We only have a small lawn but the soil underneath is very hard even after we have watered it thoroughly there are lots of bald patches and it just looks generally rubbish. We have tried lawn care products but nothing seems to make it look lush. Any ideas what to do. Thanks.

Filing Taxes for Lawn Care? Do i have to claim taxes on what i made for cutting a lady's grass? She sent me a 1099. I make under 2000 a year on this yard and all i do is cut it, edge it, and trim hedges. i do not provide or sell any kind of product to her.

A French woman? A French woman is touring the United States when she develops a serious case of the crabs. She decides to go to a pharmacy and get some medicine for her condition. Her English is not very good and she tells the guy at the pharmacy counter, "I vould like some medicine that geet reed of bugs in de bush." The pharmacist misunderstood her and told her to go over to section with lawn care products and select one of the strong insecticides. The French woman did as she was instructed and bought one of these products. In a week, she was back in the pharmacy. The pharmacist asked her if her condition was cleared up. "Why yes, eet is," she replied. "In fact all of de bugs in de bush are gone. My hair down there, eets gone too. And Pierre's moustache ... eet's gone too!"

Has anyone seen that fellow on TV? that has a show about taking care of a lawn with products like beer, dishsoap, etc.? Have you heard of him? I think he made a DVD of it but I cannot find it. I thought maybe it was a PBS episode but cannot find it on their website. 10 points to the first response that is acurate to what I'm looking for. Thanks Scott B. He's the guy. I'll credit the points when Yahoo allows me. And thanks, Amy, for the link. Actually my local library has some of his books and DVDs.

What are some things people hate shopping for? All I can think of is Insurance and auto repairs? I am looking to put together a list of things people hate shopping for other then insurance and some financial products. I'm looking for more service oriented stuff as well, like wedding planners, mechanics, painters, lawn care, etc. What do you hate shopping for?

how to start lawncare service? i want to start a lawn care service in my area south of chgo. i have equipment - even to plow snow. also to clean waste products from pets, trim bushes etc. how do i set prices for my services? i also was wondering a good name for my services.

Do you want to pay higher taxes, subjected to criminal, illegal behavior and crowded out in your own country? All so you will get cheaper vegetables, low cost house cleaning and cheap lawn care? What about competing with illegals for gas, services and products that all humans need to live? Because of the numbers of illegals our government has permitted to be in our country, there are now large numbers of people (unfairly mostly Mexican/Hispanic types) that have changed the face of our country. It's not just about money, folks. Properly administered, Legal Immigration limits the numbers of people let into our country from any one culture, so things stay somewhat in balance. LEGAL Immigration: good. Illegal immigration: Bad. Worker programs as a compromise (that do not allow voting rights)Good. People coming in permanently with large families (that are well beyond reasonable quotas) that alter voting and lifestyle culture: unfair to Americans and Bad for American middle and poorer classes.

How can so many Americans be out of work, yet we experience no shortages in services or products? Assuming we have the asking price to pay for the services/products. Glut of labor - labor market saturated? Is the market saying we have enough labor currently employed to allow businesses to make record profits ($1.66 Trillion dollars in just the past quarter alone), go gangbusters for 5 quarters in a row, with bonuses & CEO pay at record levels? Wonder what the unemployed is supposed to do - useless baggage of society? I hope not. They are estimated at numbers in excess of 14.5 million. WOW. You would think that pulling that many people out of the workforce would have business, CEO pay, & bonuses down and there would be shortages of things. Guess not. Shortage of cars, TVs, food, houses, boats, furniture, barbers, lawn care pros, carpenters, plumbers ...anyone? As long as you are one of the chosen with a job and can pay.

Can you do the U.S. a favor today and not purchase mexican products and not Patron mexican style restaurants.? The U.S. Senate has sold out because they did not want to lose the cheap labor for their thouroghbred horse farms, cheap labor lawn care, cheap labor bus boys, cheap labor window cleaners, cheap labor mansion maintenance crew, TAX-FREE. Consider yourselves STABBED-IN-THE-BACK buy your pledged to allegiance to the FLAG to their political gain don't give a damn Benedict Arnolds. Look between the lines DEMOCRATS/REPUBLICANS and look for the middle finger!

The house I moved into has 9 years of ground cover. How do I convert it to a healthy lawn? Where do I start? I know nothing NOTHING about yard care. Only that I am not a real fan but that could just be lack of exposure. I love how a finished product looks though. I can't identify anything in the ground cover but onions and dandilions. There's random crocus's and tulips and daffodils in the yard. And it grows soooo fast. Any help would be appreciated.

Has anyone used a product that protects your lawn from those awful yellow burn marks caused from dog urine? I have 3 dogs that are destroying my brand new lawn. We just spent thousands of dollars to fix up what used to be a dirt patch out back for our toddler to run around and play. I love the way it looks but it is getting trashed quickly. My dogs are either digging up the sod (rrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhh) or they are peeing all over it and causing these yellow burn marks everywhere. There is a huge area that is all rock where i try to encourage them to go but I'm no good at training and my husband scoffed at the idea of trying to train them to go in a designated spot. He does not care about what the lawn looks like. But I do - and I do not want to waste our hard earned money on another expensive "toy" for the dogs to destroy. I would like to have one nice thing that I can protect. Anyhow (I'll put my obvious frustration aside) to ask if anyone has ever overcome this issue with any success. I'm hoping that they is a product out there or a supplement that can neutralize the ph of their urine so it becomes a non-issue. I see some products out there but I am weary of purchasing them without getting some reviews on whether or not they work. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks ;) Hanna what kind of bones are they - have they worked for you?

How to remove moss from my lawn? The side of my house has significant shade and is mostly moss at this point, so I'm looking to remove the moss and plant grass in its place. I have no experience with lawn care and have done a little research on what to do, I'm primarily looking for any extra tips or experiences people may have had. Here's my plan of action- Use a moss control product to kill existing moss. Rake out dead moss. Overseed bare areas with a mixture turf type ryegrass. Topdress seeds with about l/4 inch of loose weed-free soil. Keep moist until seedlings are established. Maintain higher soil pH with agricultural or dolomitic lime. Thanks for any advice, especially with any extra steps to maintain the shaded area.

read the following funny sayings on various products in a catalog sent in the mail. Which one do you think? is the funniest: 1) "I have multiple personalities ... and none of them like you !" 2) "I'm the BOSS (my wife said I could be!)" 3) "I'm not sure if Life is passing me by ~ OR ~ trying to run me over." 4) "I'll have a caffe mocha vodka valium latte to go, please." 5) "You don't have to be crazy to work here; we'll train you." 6) "If you want breakfast in bed, go sleep in the kitchen." 7) "I'm a beautician, not a magician." 8) "There's still plenty of Zippedy in the old Doo-Dah." 9) "(your name) Lawn Care: you grow it. I mow it." 10) "I love cooking with wine and sometimes I even put it in the food." 11) "A fisherman lives here ... with the catch of his life." 12) "Coffee, chocolate, men ... some things are just better rich."

Can lawn care products mess up car paint? The only place I've had my car parked is at my apartment and recently the landscaping company has been out spraying stuff...now the hood of my car looks like it was sprayed with something and the paint is gone in those spots...just wondering if the heat we've been having could have oxidized a chemical and caused this.

is it really impossible that bio-engineers cannot come up with? sod / grass that is not susceptible to bugs, weeds, too much/too little water? i believe that if they did scotts, ortho and all related lawn care companies and products would go out of business and thats why the weeds will grow under ANY circumstances but the grass dies the minute the soil isnt perfect, there's too much/too little water, etc.... especially here in florida where s**t grows year round i mean bugs only eat the grass thats planted, never the weeds? someone is holding back here. i want to know who it is. also out of nowhere i had a mushroom sprout up that was 10 inches across.

I read the following funny sayings on various products in a catalog sent in the mail. Which one do you think? is the funniest: 1) "I have multiple personalities ... and none of them like you !" 2) "I'm the BOSS (my wife said I could be!)" 3) "I'm not sure if Life is passing me by ~ OR ~ trying to run me over." 4) "I'll have a caffe mocha vodka valium latte to go, please." 5) "You don't have to be crazy to work here; we'll train you." 6) "If you want breakfast in bed, go sleep in the kitchen." 7) "I'm a beautician, not a magician." 8) "There's still plenty of Zippedy in the old Doo-Dah." 9) "(your name) Lawn Care: you grow it. I mow it." 10) "I love cooking with wine and sometimes I even put it in the food." 11) "A fisherman lives here ... with the catch of his life." 12) "Coffee, chocolate, men ... some things are just better rich." If you have a funny saying of your own, I would love to hear it !!

how do I take care of my new lawn? I have a small front yard. Last year I had a landscaper come in and place some sod down. I was very happy with it. Now the snow has melted and it's a new year. How do I keep it healthy? What products do I use?

I want to make organic fertilizer? By taking a product with 6 common ingredients. I want to then add 3 new patent pending ingredients and sell it as a new product as a distributor to lawn care businesses. Can I legally mix these products together and make my own product and sell it under my own brand name.

What should I do to take care of a widespread spider problem in my landscaping and lawn? I live in a small neighborhood that backs up to open land. I'm unsure of the type of spiders (they're medium size, brownish and jumpy). My lawn is covered in webs. I can see them most noticeably jumping in my landscaping when I weed, but on closer look I can see them everywhere I walk in the grass too. I'd like to be able to sit in the lawn and play with my daughter, but this problem is preventing me from doing so. I've tried the spider barrier to prevent them from coming in the house, which has helped with the inside problem, but I can't seem to find info. on what product to use for widespread spider problems outside. Recommendations???

Should I use the cash or accrual method? Previously, I was engaged in lawn care, and did all my accounting using cash. I am switching to real estate sales (realtor) and think I might possibly engage in property management at some point in the future. Would it make any sense for me to use accrual method? I don't see where I would ever be selling a product, maintaining inventory, etc. so I plan to use cash, but want to double check before I go ahead and start keeping books that way.

Grubs in Ontario? I live in Ontario and last fall I noticed a LOT of grubs. They destroyed the grass. Is there a pesticide-free product that can help? I contacted many lawn care companies and they all claim that their products are non-toxic to birds and worms. Should I believe them? FYI, the milky stuff won't work....I've been told I have white grubs. And, I don't know a single person who successfully eradicated their grub problem with nemaetodes. Thanks!

Does anyone know how expensive it is to put in fake grass? We live in a desert area, where it doesn't make sense to water and care for a "real" lawn. But we'd like a place for our kids and pets to play, and have heard nice things about some of the new products out there. Any advice? Suggestions?

What is this census or sample survey? a) to check the quality of the food provided by the school cafeteria.Some students in each class are asked to give their opinion b) to find the favourite music group of teenagers of a city twenty 16 year old teenagers are surveyed from each city. c) To find the favourite the item on a restaraunt menu .All custoers eating in the restaraunt are surveyed. Are they Sample or census?? 2. IdenTIFY the population in the date collacted a)The hotel manager wants to know how many of their guests use th spa facilites b)The school principal wants to know how many teachers need a computer by their desk. c) A lawn-care companty wants to know if their customers prefer environmentally friendly products for their lawn

College student starting own "business"- what are some missed markets? I've got very little start up money. Some ideas i've heard are freelance document typers for lawyers/writers and doing research in libraries for authors/students.... Would love to hear any ideas--not interested in "givens" like baking, lawn care, child/pet sitting... Any info can help or even just a personal experience story with how you personally went about finding/developing a business plan or idea. Oh, and who will I need to contact in case i need permits/forms. Any website you know of would be great too. I'm heading to the library tomorrow to research what i would need to do, but would like to go in there armed with "product/service" ideas and with some kind of plan on what other aspects I need to research. Thanks =)

How long does sod take to take root? and....abt new sod? How long before I can ignore it and have my auto sprinkler system take care of it. When I water sod everyday, is it necessary to lift it up and water the ground below it? Suppose I am watering 10 sq feet with a hose, how long should I water the area? Can I use Scotts starter for the soil below as fertilizer and Scotts Enriched lawn soil as the soil below? Any experience with these products? They work? Any substitutes? Any tips when I go to buy sod? Does Home Depot sell it anymore?

Would you give up certain luxuries to save the environment? Your dad is driving you crazy. It seems that he doesn't care about the environment at all. He doesn't recycle, he runs the air conditioner constantly, and he puts chemicals on the lawn. What's worse, he laughs at you when you tell him these things harm the environment. Then one day he tells you he bought you a surprise. He says he bought you a early birthday present. It's a gorgeous, but gas guzzling, sports car. Do you accept it? You know that cars are a major source of pollution. And you know that it's important to conserve energy. Hello! We're talking about your very own car. Whatever you decide, you can be sure you're not the only one facing this problem. These days, everyone struggles with the fact that everyday products can damage the environment. But what's the solution? Should people give up things they want to save the environment? i need a real good reason

how to grow a perfect lawn? Can some one tell me step by step how to care for grass.Like when to do it, what to do, and what type of product is good to use. We tilled the ground in the spring and seeded it. It did grow petty good, but still have weeds ( all kinds) and bold spots. thank you.

Anyone know how to keep Nut grass down? I have lots and lots of nutgrass. I pull and also spray with a product called Image. I use Roundup too. Mostly I pull the nutgrass up and discard. Its only in my flowerbeds or if its in the lawn the mower takes care of it. It was either in soil that we brought or in flowers I moved from other areas. In researching the web, other countries will levy fines on people or companies that spread this stuff and I can understand why. If I give away a plant I clean the roots until I know no nuts are hitching a ride to some other poor souls yard.

I think I damaged my St. Augustine Lawn with herbacid (2,4-D)? I'm a new home owner and have never had to care for grass before. I saw some weeds in my lawn and decided to buy some weed and feed. I went to Home Depot and asked the sales person what weed and feed product he recommended. He asked me what kind of grass I had. I let him know I was not sure, so he recommended I use Sta Green Weed and Feed, which I applied on my St. Augustine lawn (which I figured out later). It's been a few weeks now and I've noticed brown areas in my grass. I was searching the internet trying to research why my grass is dying and noticed that I should not use a herbacide 2, 4-D on St. Augustine grass. I checked the ingredients of the Sta Green Weed and Feed and noticed that it has this 2, 4-D herbacide in it. I'm now worried that my whole lawn is going to turn brown. Is there anything I can do or is it too late? I appreciate any suggestions or ideas.

Transmission fluid/oil stains on the driveway. How do I rid them? My dad takes good care of his house and he is meticulous with the lawn and driveway. It is neat and tidy. However, I parked my truck in the driveway and after 2 days I noticed a little transmission fluid and/or oil on the concrete. I want to get it out before my pop returns home in a week. Do you have any suggestions on what product to use that will get it all off? The driveway is smooth concrete and the stain has been there for several days now. I want it off. Please, any advice would help. Thanks. PS I am going to get my transmission checked out pronto.

Crabgrass and Foxtails!!! Aaaargh! Help!? OK, I am a neophyte when it comes to lawn care, but I have successfully transitioned my lawn from bermuda to fescue and have one of the healthiest yards in my neighborhood. HOWEVER, my beautiful yard have been attacked by crabgrass and foxtails and I cannot get rid of them. I used weed and feed in the spring, and summer treatment in June, but they persist. I don't want to use a product that will torch my grass to kill the invaders. I tried buying a product that was in a spray bottle, but my yard is too big and I have to many invaders to go around spraying single instances over the entire yard. Does anyone know of a product or method that I could spray or mix with my hose and cover the yard, killing the invaders but leaving my grass healthy? Or any other suggestions? I'm dying here!

find draft, grammar check, and the fourth para is my conclusion and i wrote in alternative term. Please help The use of herbicide in lawn care has increased in the past year. Advertising has portrayed herbicide as a magician that could provide a nice environment in a really short time, in order to fulfill our desire. This chemical spray is use to destroy needless weeds and plants, but a lot of people overuse it, and that causes many problems. These problems can typically be found around us. Pollution in our water, and other effects on human health. Therefore, we have a responsibility to prevent the use of herbicide and protect our life and the environment we live in. Herbicide contains two specific ingredients: glyphosate and 2,4D. These chemicals are commonly used in farms, parks and golf courses. Farmers and gardeners use the chemicals to kill unwanted plants, but they don’t realize that the chemicals do not stay on the plants. The herbicides are getting into our water, rivers and, subsequently, into the rain. It could kill fish, beavers, frogs and birds. I found that some researches have proven that weed killer is toxic to the environment. John Struger, a scientist at the Canadian Centre for Inland Waters, analyzed urban streams and detected nine types of herbicides. Tyrone Hayes, the developmental endocrinologist at the University of California at Berkeley, said that over-use of herbicide is directly effecting male tadpoles in the laboratory. He tested the level used in the environment, and found that this chemical removed the testicles of male tadpoles, and prevented male characteristics from fully forming. He concluded that herbicide exposure turns the tadpoles into hermaphrodites (creatures with both male and female sexual characteristics). If there are no more male frogs, frog populations will decrease, and, without the frogs to consume them, bug populations will increase. In fact, herbicides are not only harmful to our environment but are also slowly poisoning both children and adults. Children are at a high risk of infection because their immune systems are very weak. A U.S. National Cancer Institute survey found that children with leukemia and asthma are six times more likely to come from homes where herbicides were used. Children are most at risk of developing problems because they play on lawns, and herbicides can enter through their skin. And according to Dr. Kelly Martin, 20% of the people who arrive in hospital emergency rooms with toxic herbicide exposure are children who have crawled on a lawn after it had been sprayed safely. The Ontario College of Family Physicians, the Canadian Public Health Association and the Learning Disabilities Association of Canada have said that herbicides affect children’s neurological development, reproduction, growth, and the functioning of the immune and endocrine systems. Moreover, Canadians are using approximately four million kilograms of herbicides every year. Adults have stronger immune systems, but are also affected by the chemical sprays, exhibiting symptoms such as sneezing, running nose, stinging eyes, headache and diarrhea. Now scientist had investigated organic herbicide, this organic product is vinegar. Vinegar does great job in killing off weeds without hurting plants, animals and human. The acidic nature of vinegar (4 percent acetic acid) is what makes it an ideal organic herbicide. It is perfectly for farm and even home garden. All you need to do is make a one-time application of a quart of vinegar using a standard spray bottle. This is a cheap alternative way to protect both human and environment. You can find vinegar anywhere like Superstore, Safeway and Wal-mart. This information reported by Rafiq Islam a soil and water specialist with Ohio State’s South Centers. i thnk i need a better conclusion

Misty Weed Killer...misty is just the product name...not a mist? 'Misty ex-it emulsifiable concentrate' weed killer?....where do i find it? I've contacted a LOT of company's but have found no answer. And YES I contacted some lawn care professionals and no help there either....PLEASE HELP

Is this alright to do (legally)? I'm a 20 year old and as a summer job/hobby I'm thinking of making computers for local people,along with helping them unclutter their software or upgrading their hardware. Is it alright for me to: 1: Post fliers advertising my service as an alternative to retailers (without using specific names)? 2: Use a picture from coolermaster.com of three of their products in the flier? This would be something like most people advertise a lawn care service for babysitting or odd jobs in similar scale, but because the service is so different I'm not sure if I'm overlooking legal issues that could get me into big crap. If not knowing this makes me stupid, so be it, but I'd rather be stupid than cross a line. My issue with the retailer comparison is that since this is an unofficial home-based hobby business if it would be legal, and I should have said appropriate as well. Thanks for the answers so far, If you knowsomething the others don't, shout out!

how much money is spent annually to harvest and process corn in the US? i read somewhere that people spend billions worldwide caring for grass, a plant we don't eat, use for building supplies, make fabric with, make medicine from, or use in any way other than for ornamentation. this isn't including grass that livestock graze on, more like lawns and sporting fields (baseball, football, soccer, etc). i was just wondering if, in fact, we spend more money on grass than corn, something we use in far too many foods and products. any facts or trivia on either are welcome, or just give your opinion on the subject.

Does it make sense to pass out a manufacturers flyer with our business card attached? we have a well established service company in the lawn care/ landscaping field..one of the owners wants to diversify the business by distributing flyers printed up by a major manufacturer of outdoor lighting products and simply staple our current business card to it. I say that it is a bad idea because first of all we dont even come close to doing all the work that could be done for our existing customers, neighbors, and referrals--secondly we have no track record and no experience in the new area--and thirdly if someone has an interest and calls the company or goes to their web site we are not on the approved vendor list for our area and their website will send them to someone else. Are there any published figures on marketing using flyers like this to a cold market? What has been other peoples experience ? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

How often should I fertilize and spread weed killer? I am new to lawn care. We had bluegrass sod placed last year and it took root very well. I guess it is now time to feed it.... There's very little weed growing (1000 SQF of lawn and 3 or 4 instinces of a weed growing). A product like Vigoro or Scotts Spray Weed & Feed, how often do I need to apply that? Should I apply the Weed & Feed once and then only the Spray feed there after (if so how often)? Thanks - Sean

How to get better Performance/Speed/Power out of my 1989 Chevy C1500? I am looking to put some money into my truck, and want some suggestions. I am only 16, and this is just a beginner truck.I am working my way up to one of our 2009 Chevy Silverado 3500HD's =). My truck has a 350 cu. in. 5.7L V8. Please include links to the product. I want to spend around $100 at this time because me and my bro are in the lawn care business, and the grass dosen't need to be mowed yet. But i will will be looking to spend around $500 once the mowing starts. I was thinking about a K&N air filter( well off brand most likely) it already has a cherrybomb muffler(glasspack) not to tute my own horn, but it sounds sweet. One of my brothers suggested a diffrent axle. If i did get one, which one, what am i looking for. and what website?

What to do after shampooing K-9 Advantix from dog? We are having a very heavy flea infestation. After applying Frontline Plus continuously every month since a puppy (she is now 20 months old) it did not take care of the problem. Switched to K-9 Advantix three days ago and dog is having bad side effects; hyperventilating, not sleeping during the night, not eating all food, scratching producing hot spots. I plan on removing the product today with Dawn Liquid Detergent as suggested by manufacturer. After removing product what can I do to keep fleas off pet. Vet's office said not to apply anything for two weeks. In the meantime, if I do that I will have a flea infestation in the house. Advantix vet tech said I could apply another product immediately will have no adverse effect. Any suggestions on what I can do? I don't want the dog to suffer from fleas and don't want to infest my house. And, I am afraid to wait two weeks without the dog having any protection. She is a Bichon Frise (white) and can see fleas jump on her. Treated lawn twice in a month and still have fleas.

Hows my sales pitch sound? I have to write a sales pitch for a nonexisting product or service and present it in my speech class. How does this sound?..... Do you get tired of pushing a lawn mower around your yard? Sweat and dirt sticking to your body. Even riding on one, with constant bumping and jerking and no shade to be found. Now, you don’t have to worry about either of these. Lawns R Us introduces the Lawn Lounger 9052. It’s the mower for me and for you! You can relax without feeling the guilt of being unproductive. This is perfect for the multi-tasker. With the Lawn Loungers unique design, we have created a product that you’ll love! The motor is unbelievably quiet so your ears can relax, too. The one of a kind air suspension saves you from the thumps and bumps of ordinary riding mowers and allows you feel at ease. It’s built in computer technology lets you lay out the area to be trimmed and you’re done. Lawn Lounger steers its way with out your help. A manual steeling remote is included for the unexpected twists and turns. The bagging and air filtering system keeps those pesky stray grasses and flying dirt from clinging to that rejuvenated body of yours. It’s fabulous! Relax under the shade canopy or put in down to tan. There is plenty of space to store all of your necessities: drinks, food, sun block, or even your favorite book. Need more room to stretch out? Adjust the seat to kick up your feet. No more running to prepare your lawn for guests. Take care of that yard while looking your best. Tired of fighting with your kids to mow the lawn? Now, everyone will want to do the job. A great looking lawn with no hassle. You can find the Lawn Lounger 9052 at any home and yard improvement stores or you can order over the phone or online for three easy payments of $999.99! If you order within the next half hour, you will also receive a refreshment cooling and storage device. An ice cold pop or sandwich is by your side. But that’s not all! If you order in the next 15 minutes, you’ll also receive the seat massager. Both at a value of $99.99, but yours FREE! The Lawn Lounger 9052 is what you’ve been waiting for. Quiet, versatile, and a breeze. Fabulous lawn! Fabulous you! Warning: Supervision of device is required. Support of obesity is not the purpose. 300 lbs. weight limit is established. Lawns R Us is not responsible fo

I love animals, but my new neighbor's cats are driving us crazy...? We have 2 dogs, an indoor cat, and a fish. We're animal lovers, really! However, two weeks ago our elderly neighbor's nephew moved in to help take care of her. He's a nice guy. But, her brought 4 outdoor cats with him. They are friendly and clean animals BUT they have come to think our front lawn and garden as their new litter boxes. We are looking for some type of product that will deter these kitties from doing their business on our property. We are looking for something that will in no way, shape, or form hurt the cats. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Attack of the Locusts/Secadas? Live in KY, and in the last few weeks there are TONS of locusts/secadas all over the front of my house/patio. If I come out at night I see them "hatching" out of their brown exoskeleton-they stick to the front of my house by my door & then land on my patio, by morning there are usually about 20 all over my patio.I keep sweeping them away but a few hours later, they are always back and new ones are back hatching on my house. I sparyed a pest control spray all over-but it didn't do anything. Any tips on what can ward them off of my house and patio? I don't care if they are on the lawn or trees but I am sick of having to walk through them to come in & out of my house. Are there any products I can buy myself or certain scents, flowers, anything that I can put there to keep them away?Please don't suggest I call professional help, can't afford it, please give me tips on things I can purchase or do MYSELF to help keep them off my house and front door and patio, THANK YOU. ****PLEASE...can any anyone give me some actual tips on what I CAN DO NOW TO HELP RID ME OF THESE PESTS??? Its' too late to do the "grub killer" thing...I just want to know what I can do to ward them off of the front of my house and patio?

Short Romance & Marriage Jokes 2? THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other the woman leans out the window and yells, "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out his window and replies, "BITCH!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A husband and wife were shopping when the wife said, "Darling, it's my Mother's birthday tomorrow. What shall we buy for her? She would like something electric." The husband replied, "How about a chair?!?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "I was married 3 times," explained the man to a newly discovered drinking partner, "and I'll never marry again. My first two wives died of eating poison mushrooms and my third wife died of a fractured skull." "That's a shame," said his friend. "How did it happen?" "She wouldn't eat the mushrooms." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job. "Look Miss," said the foreman, "Have you any actual experience in picking lemons?" "Well, as a matter if fact, yes!" she replied. "I've been divorced three times." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bob's greatest achievement was his brood of six children. In fact, he was so proud of himself that he started calling his wife "Mother of Six", despite her continual objections. One night at a cocktail party, Bob decided it was time to go home and shouted across the room, "Shall we go home, Mother of Six?" His irritated wife hollered back, "Any time you're ready, Father of Four." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The hit-and-run victim was just getting to his feet when a policeman ran up to help. "My mother-in-law just tried to run me over!" the shaken man told the cop. "The car hit you from behind," the officer said. "How could you tell it was your mother-in-law?" "I recognized the laugh!" he replied. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ad seen in paper: FOR SALE BY OWNER Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and all of us eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to? You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea." The man lowered his head and said, "Wedding cake?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Congratulations my boy!" said the groom's uncle. "I'm sure you'll look back and remember today as the happiest day of your life." "But I'm not getting married until tomorrow," protested his nephew. "I know," replied the uncle. "That's exactly what I mean." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A construction worker came home just in time to find his wife in bed with another man. So he dragged the man down the stairs to the garage and put his penis in a vise. He secured it tightly and removed the handle. Then he picked up a hacksaw. The man, terrified, screamed, "STOP! STOP! You're not going to cut it off, are you???" The husband said, with a gleam of revenge in his eye, "Nope. You are. I'm going to set the garage on fire." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A man wakes up his wife during the night with a glass of water in one hand and two aspirins in the other. She asks, "What's this for?" "This is for your headache," he says. She says, "But I don't have a headache." He smiles and says, "Gotcha!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Joe said, "Know what, Charlie? I killed 5 flies yesterday, 3 males and 2 females." "How could you tell them apart, Joe?" asked Charlie. Joe replied, "That was easy. The 3 males were sitting on a case of beer and the 2 females were on the phone." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you your fortune and weight and dropped in a coin. "Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and a great lover." "Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "I must take every precaution not to get pregnant," said Edna to Priscilla. "But I thought you said your hubby had a vasectomy," Priscilla responded. "He did. That's why I have to take every precaution." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Smiths were dining out when his wife noticed a familiar face at the bar. "Honey," she said as she pointed the guy out, "That guy at the bar has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago." Her husband said, "That's silly, no one celebrates that much!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Nature has many laws that hold fast and true. For example, a baby ape will always grow-up to be an ape; likewise, a baby baboon will become an adult baboon. A baby pig will mature into a full grown pig. A baby jackass will always become a jackass. A puppy quickly matures into a dog; a mongrel pup develops into a cur. Yet oddly enough, women say a young man may grow-up to be any one of these. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Roger was fed up with his wife, so he packed up his stuff and moved into the garage. Although he couple seldom spoke, he continued to mow the lawn, take out the garbage and fix the car, while she cooked the meals, vacuumed and did the laundry. Months later, Roger met his friend Don for drinks. "Things don't seem to be working out any better," Don remarked. "Why don't you just move out?" "Well, if you really want to know the truth," Roger explained, "she makes such a damn good neighbor." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Worried about their less than exciting sex life, a young wife sent her husband to a therapist who wound up treating him with self hypnosis. And, to her joy, everything got much better. However, she could not help but notice that each night, early into their lovemaking, the husband would dash out to the bathroom for several minutes. This tormented her until finally, one night, she followed him. There, in front of the mirror, she found him applying this therapeutic technique: "She's not my wife... She's not my wife...She's not my wife..." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Rex's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company. Susan told the insurance company, "We had that barn insured for fifty-thousand and I want my money." The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute, Susan. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of what was insured and provide you with a new one of comparable worth." There was a long pause before Susan replied, "Then I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it." ---------------------------------------- A man said his credit card was stolen, but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did. ------------------------------------------ First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bert took his Saint Bernard to the vet, "Doctor," he said sadly, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to cut off my dog's tail." The vet stepped back, "Bert, why should I do such a terrible thing?" "Because my mother-in-law's arriving tomorrow, and I don't want anything to make her think she's welcome." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Wife: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor." Husband: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous." Wife: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor." Husband: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?" Wife: "In the pool." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Overheard: "Has your husband lived up to all the things he said before you were married?" "No, He's only lived up to one of them." "Which one was that?" "He said he wasn't good enough for me." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "You're lazy." "Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess, "I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom, and you can hold down a full time job, prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so." That night, while the princess dined on frog legs, she laughed to herself and said, "I don't freaking think so!!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It is two o'clock in the morning and a husband and his wife are asleep when suddenly the phone rings. The husband picks up the phone and says, "Hello? How the heck do I know? What am I, the weather man?" He promptly slams the phone down. His wife rolls over and asks, "Who was that?" The husband replies, "I don't know, it was some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A couple comes upon a wishing well. The wife leans over, makes a wish and throws in a penny. The husband decides to make a wish, too. But he leans over too much, falls into the well and drowns. Stunned, the wife smiles broadly and exclaims, "It really works!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life." The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "This place is a mess! C'mon, You and I need to clean up. Your stuff is lying on the floor, and if we don't do laundry right now, you'll have no clothes to wear." What a Man hears: blah,blah,blah,blah, C'MON blah,blah,blah, YOU AND I blah,blah, ON THE FLOOR blah,blah,blah, RIGHT NOW blah,blah,blah,blah,blah, NO CLOTHES -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A lady sought out a fortune teller. The fortune teller tells her, "Be prepared for widowhood. Your husband will soon die a violent death." The lady asked, " Will I be acquitted?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says, "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty four." Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return. This time the husband crosses his fingers and says, "Mirror mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!" Again, there's a bright flash...and his legs fall off. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing." The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up your things! I just won the state lottery!" Martha replies, "Should I pack for warm weather or cold?" The man says, "I don't care. Just as long as you're out of the house by noon." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "It's just to hot to wear clothes today," said Jack as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- While at the fairgrounds, a woman wanted to take a ride on the Ferris wheel before heading home. Her husband waited while she took a spin. The wheel went round and round and suddenly the woman was thrown out. She landed in a heap at her husband's feet. He gasped and bent down. "Are you hurt?" he asked. "Of course I'm hurt!" she replied. "Three times around and you didn't wave once." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two men are playing golf when a funeral procession passes by on the street next to the green. One of the men takes off his hat and holds it over his heart. When the procession has passed, the other man says, "That was a nice gesture." "Well," the first guy says, "After twenty years of marriage, it was the least I could do for her." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- An old man goes into the Social Security Office and fills out an application. Too old to have a birth certificate, he is asked to prove he is old enough. He opens his shirt and shows them the grey hair on his chest and they except that as proof. He goes home to his wife, shows her the check and explains to her what has happened. She replies, "Well get back down there, pull down your pants and see if you can get disability!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Cash, check or charge?" I asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "Do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied. "But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "We're doing some heavy house cleaning at home tomorrow and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff." "We're short-handed, Smith" the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off." "Thanks, boss," says Smith "I knew I could count on you!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" "Why?" "Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two women were talking, when one said to the other: "Do you ever talk to your husband when you're making love?" "Yeah," replied the second, "But only when he telephones!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath, and lipstick on his cheek. "I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in a six o'clock in the morning!" "There is," he replied. "Breakfast." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?" "I would love to," replied the husband, "But I don't know her well enough." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What do you think of my story, "The Prototype of Applegale"? Hello. My name is Victoria Vanderblit, one of the defective girls of a town called Applegale. Now, if you took a look at me right as I'm writing this, you would probably think I'm a average looking girl, with a curvy body, curly brown hair and almond shaped brown eyes like my beautiful mother, only my mother is thin and her hair is pin straight. However, in the town that I used to live in, Below average is taboo. Average isn't good enough. In order to survive in this demented town, you had to be perfect. It was the way of life. Now, to others, Applegale might appear to be a beautiful and wealthty suburban town. The streets are lined with lush emerald trees, the air is filled with the perfume of apple blossoms, and the houses are exquistively crafted victorian mansions, surrounded with professionally landscaped lawns. Also, the people are so perfect and pristine as well, from their attitudes to their apperances. A smile is always planted on their beautiful faces, no matter how they feel inside. You'll never see a down face in Applegale; you will only see happy and blissful faces strutting around the neighborhood with their flawlessly sculpted bodies. But don't let the outside appearance of Applegate fool you. Eventhough they appear perfect, they are poisoned and brainwashed in the inside. They will do everything to appear perfect to the society, to keep up their appearances and to have everyone and even the surroundings to look as perfect as possible- no matter what. They continue to be as wealthty as possible, to continue to have everything their heart desires. Also, they strive to be beautiful , to spend 3 hours everysingle day working out in the gym, and to correct any grosteque flaws by making a visit to their beloved plastic surgeon. And most of all, each family in Applegale mold themselves and give up their individuality in order to mold themselves. The men are the ones who earn the riches, while they run their household in their god like stature. The housewifes only have to be as beautiful, frail, and pristine as possible and help raise the children to conform into the society-if they have any. And the children supposed to be perfect, well mannered and must obtain book intelligence, who must conform into the Applegale's ways. And for anyone who doesn't meet the requirements of perfection in Applegale, they are either alienated, secretly ridiculed, or made perfect by countless bottles of cosmetics and/or plastic surgery. Some, however, were even killed in result of being defective, from being drowned in Orchid lake, to complications in result of being under the knife of the process of being the prototypes of perfection. Some even commited sudicide, because they couldn't take the society of Applegale so much longer. But people from the outside world never knew about any of the towns inperfections, due to bribery. Most citizens in Applegale were multi millionares, so they gave a large fourtune to keep the grieving family and the police force quiet. Most of the time, they gave in to the large pile of money and never spoke another word about it. Applegale was a unofficial dictatorship, with most of the citizens being the dictator to theirselves. But, I was lucky for only being alienated, instead of killed from my fellow neighbors. When I was born, I was a very beautiful baby, always adored by others. But as I got older, my deformity began to settle into my skin. I was cursed by discoloration as a large spot stood out in on the side of my face. My parents, ashamed and embarrassed by having to deal with a deformed child, immediately took me to get it fixed. But after the plastic surgeon practically laughed in my parent's face and told me that a 7 year old was way too young to go under the knife, they gave up their plans to cancel out my flaws.Well almost, at least. Right after we came from the plastic surgeon's office, I can remember that whole scene while I was in the car with my parents. I can remember the atmosphere. It was so thick with tension, that I could barely breathe. Then, I can vividly remember my mother ask my father, "James. Can we please go to the mall right now? It's important." He replied, "Alice, I don't see why not. But don't take long. I have a meeting at 4." So we pulled up to the mall's parking lot. Personally, I never was so fond of going to the mall, so normally, I always stayed in the car with my dad. But then, my mother demanded, "Victoria. Please get out out of the car. You're going with me today." "But I don't want to go mom!", I replied, as tears started to caress my eyes. "Now!" She ordered. So Then I climbed out of the car with my mother, as she grabbed my hand. At first, I was very oblivious of the reason why she was taking me to the mall with her when she already knew that I hated it. Then suddenly, the reason washed over me and consumed me like a giant wave. We walked all through the mall, through perfect familes with their children who stared at the side of my face, groups of teenagers whispered and giggled to each other and result of seeing me, and even solitary people looked up. I just wanted to disappear. I wanted to melt and saturate into the floor so escape that horrible feeling of being the freak. Then, finally, we stopped at a cosmetic boutique. We entered the store, and I was awashed by expensive smells of perfume and body cream. Not suprisingly, the store was only occupied by only a few customers, excluding the saleswoman, who was walking towards our direction. When she was only a couple feet away from my mom and I she glanced at my mother, and then at me, Her eyes immediately flinched at my sight and then it immediately went back to my mother. Then she asked, "Hello. How may I help you?" My mom smiled with her pearly white smile and then replied, "Yes. Where can I find the foundation?" The saleswoman pointed over to the left of the small boutique as she said, " It's right over there, Here, let me show you." We followed her as she guided us, and I couldn't help but to look at her. She was the typical resident of Applegale, with a heartshaped face ,occupied with prominent blue eyes and full, cherry lacqured lips, with silky, chestnut colored locks cascading down her back. Her body was also very thin and long, clad in a clean and crisp ralph lauren polo, khaki bermunda shorts, and her feet fitted perfectly in her wedges. I wouldn't be suprised if she used to be a supermodel. Then we arrived there, to the shelf of countless foundation bottles, concealer, and face powder. "Thank you so much for helping us.", My mother said " No problem miss.", the saleswoman replied. After a long period of time, my mother finally chose one bottle of foundation, that was my exact skin color, and a tube of concealer. Then we walked up to the counter as she paid for the items with the credit card. Then, we finally left. An hour after I got home, I was sitting in my room, playing with dolls, deep in my imagination based world. Then, a knock, followed by a voice brought me back into reality. "Victoria? Are you in there? ", my mother asked. "Yes mother." "Well I need to speak to you.", she demanded. My bedroom door then opened. After my mother walked in with her tote and settled in a overstuffed chair, she said, " Come over here, would you?" I grabbed a pillow, and then sat on the floor across from her. Then she asked, " Do you want to know why I took you with me to the cosmetic boutique?" "No," I lied, still in denial about the whole situation. " Well Victoria, I don't want you to be the freak of this neighborhood with that scar. I can't take you to the plasic surgeon, so here is the product that will make you normal." "But Mom," I asked, "what does it matter whether I'm normal or not? Why can't I be a regular kid?" "Vicky, let me give you a bit of wisdom here. People in this town do not care about the inner contents of you, they only care about your appearances. They will judge you by that scar and only by it; and they wouldn't care how you're really like inside if you're flawed. So please follow my advice, or your life in this town will be a terrible place for you for many years to come. " Then, my mother bended down and reached into her tote, grabbing the foundation and face powder. She continued," So here is the product that will make you normal. Please wear it or your not going to fit in this society. As a matter of fact, I'm going to show you how to put it on right now." So, without hesitation, I let her apply the foundation, eventhough in the inside, I was screaming, begging her to stop. I didn't want this oily stuff on my skin like a adult, I wanted to be a kid. However, on that day, I wasn't a kid anymore. That was the first day of trying to be the prototype of Applegale. I know it's very long, but I will really appreciate it if you can comment and/or critique my story!

Is anyone interested in100 Ways to Save or Make $100 Bucks?Then read on!? 1. Set up an apple cider stand on a crisp fall day. 2. Start a gift-wrapping service at the holidays. 3. Sell items from the attic using an on-line auction service. 4. Wear your winter coat one more season--you've always loved it, anyway! 5. Set up an automatic paycheck withdrawal for $2 per week. 6. Hold a garage sale. 7. Barter with neighbors or friends for needed household services. 8. Babysit for neighbors. 9. Mow lawns. 10. Post a flyer at the grocery store offering to help people move. 11. Start a spring cleaning service. 12.Walk dogs. 13. Offer seamstress and tailoring services. 14. Sew instead of buying clothes or home accessories. 15. Provide a taxi service for elderly neighbors. 16. Bike to work. 17. Car pool. 18. Use public transportation. 19. Park in the less expensive lots and enjoy the exercise you get from walking! 20. Conserve electricity at home and estimate monthly savings. 21. Find a student (kindergarten through college) who needs a tutor. 22. Cut out candy and snacks; donate what you save on these purchases and dental bills! 23. Take outgrown kids' clothes to a consignment shop. 24. Take your duds from the '70s or '80s to a vintage shop-everything old is new again! 25. Camp instead of staying in hotels on vacation. 26. Give up cable television for a few months--or forever! 27. Pet sit for neighbors who are traveling. 28. Make Saturday "Homemade Pasta Night" instead of dining out. 29. Borrow the latest best-sellers from the library instead of buying them. 30. Give up soft drinks for a whole summer. 31. Take a Thermos of fresh-brewed coffee to work instead of stopping for gourmet brew. 32. For your birthday, ask friends and family to make a gift to Mennonite Board of Missions, Commission on Overseas Mission, Commision on Home Ministries or Ministries Commission, Mennonite Church Canada in your name. 33. Give up your gym membership for the summer and exercise in the fresh air and sunshine. 34. Use coupons when shopping, and donate the savings. 35. Shop at yard sales and thrift stores--you never know when you'll find a hidden treasure. 36. For large household purchases, look for bargains on-line. 37. Pay off credit card debt so no interest collects. 38. Don't let water run while brushing teeth and turn out lights when you leave a room. 39. Offer your services as an office temp or substitute teacher. 40. Design Web sites for local families and businesses. 41. Buy cost-cutter brands for staples and household supplies. 42. Email friends and family instead of calling. 43. Make your own gift cards for holidays and birthdays. 44. Wear more "hand-me-downs" instead of buying new clothes. 45. Buy clothes that mix-and-match for each season. 46. Start flowers from seeds instead of buying seedlings. 47. Put on a family or neighborhood talent show and charge admission. 48. Use vinegar and water for a general household cleaning solution and save on expensive products. 49. Collect cans. 50. Study your health insurance policy and discover ways to avoid health care costs. 51. Plant a larger garden and sell vegetables at a roadside stand. 52. Instead of taking friends or clients out to dinner, send a donation in their name. 53. Donate your holiday club account and give homemade gifts this year. 54. Instead of buying a new CD every week, trade with your friends. 55. Scale back your vacation this year, or choose a service project instead. 56. Wait another six months for any major household purchase. 57. Postpone an upgrade to a software application you use. 58. Make a choice: Chocolate or coffee. Movies or eating out. Experience the one you choose more fully and donate your savings. 59. Buy a live plant instead of fresh flowers to decorate your table. 60. Love your looks--give up hair color, permanents, and other things that detract from your natural beauty. 61. Learn calligraphy and make money addressing invitations and lettering announcements. 62. For special family nights, plan on a video and pizza at home instead of dinner and a movie out. 63. Take the kids to the grocery store with you instead of hiring a babysitter. 64. Restrict your use of the cellular phone to emergencies only. 65. Choose eyeglasses with a sun clip instead of buying prescription sunglasses. 66. Wait for summer clothes to go on sale. 67. Be creative with leftovers--use them for work lunches. 68. Find loose change and save it in a coffee can for a year. 69. Bathe the dog yourself and save the groomer's costs. 70. Do your own house painting this spring instead of hiring a professional. 71. Play tennis on the public courts and save fees. 72. Give up golf for a few weekends and hike in a state park instead. 73. Rake lawns in your neighborhood in the fall. 74. Donate your expense checks from work-related travel. 75. Hold a bake sale. 76. Have friends over for parlor games instead of going out to the theater or a concert. 77. Shovel snow for money. 78. Organize a neighborhood car wash. 79. Sell lemonade on a hot summer day. 80. Take used sporting equipment to resale shops. 81. Buy a frozen pizza and cook it instead of ordering one from a pizza place. 82. Assign a dollar amount to each book or page a family member reads, then donate family earnings. 83. When you order fast food, don't supersize it! Ask for water instead of a soft drink. 84. Get rid of your lawn service and donate savings. 85. Start a babysitting coop with people from your church or neighborhood, and donate the money you save on sitters. 86. Dust off that bread machine and treat yourself to homebaked bread for pennies. 87. Offer a matching gift to family members who contribute to Mennonite Board of Missions, Commission on Overseas Missions, Commission on Home Ministries or Ministries Commission, Mennonite Church Canada. 88. Check to see if your public health department offers low-cost vaccines. 89. Plan several vegetarian meals each week. 90. Sell your famous preserves or fruitcake to friends looking for holiday gifts. 91. Buy next year's holiday supplies at day-after sales. 92. Learn how to change the oil in your car. 93. Skip purchasing season football tickets and have friends over to watch the game on TV. 94. Get rid of phone service add-ons--call waiting can wait! 95. Set the thermostat at 65 and snuggle under a blanket. 96. Only go to matinee showings of movies. 97. Choose the cheap seats for concerts and sporting events. 98. Start a resume or word-processing service. 99. Find a housemate. 100. Organize a cycling or running event with people donating a specific amount per mile covered.

Can someone please critique my story????? The prototype of applegale-part one Hello. My name is Victoria Vanderblit, one of the defective girls of a town called Applegale. Now, if you took a look at me right as I'm writing this, you would probably think I'm a average looking girl, with a curvy body, curly brown hair and almond shaped brown eyes like my beautiful mother, only my mother is thin and her hair is pin straight. However, in the town that I used to live in, Below average is taboo. Average isn't good enough. In order to survive in this demented town, you had to be perfect. It was the way of life. Now, to others, Applegale might appear to be a beautiful and wealthty suburban town. The streets are lined with lush emerald trees, the air is filled with the perfume of apple blossoms, and the houses are exquistively crafted victorian mansions, surrounded with professionally landscaped lawns. Also, the people are so perfect and pristine as well, from their attitudes to their apperances. A smile is always planted on their beautiful faces, no matter how they feel inside. You'll never see a down face in Applegale; you will only see happy and blissful faces strutting around the neighborhood with their flawlessly sculpted bodies. But don't let the outside appearance of Applegate fool you. Eventhough they appear perfect, they are poisoned and brainwashed in the inside. They will do everything to appear perfect to the society, to keep up their appearances and to have everyone and even the surroundings to look as perfect as possible- no matter what. They continue to be as wealthty as possible, to continue to have everything their heart desires. Also, they strive to be beautiful , to spend 3 hours everysingle day working out in the gym, and to correct any grosteque flaws by making a visit to their beloved plastic surgeon. And most of all, each family in Applegale mold themselves and give up their individuality in order to mold themselves. The men are the ones who earn the riches, while they run their household in their god like stature. The housewifes only have to be as beautiful, frail, and pristine as possible and help raise the children to conform into the society-if they have any. And the children supposed to be perfect, well mannered and must obtain book intelligence, who must conform into the Applegale's ways. And for anyone who doesn't meet the requirements of perfection in Applegale, they are either alienated, secretly ridiculed, or made perfect by countless bottles of cosmetics and/or plastic surgery. Some, however, were even killed in result of being defective, from being drowned in Orchid lake, to complications in result of being under the knife of the process of being the prototypes of perfection. Some even commited sudicide, because they couldn't take the society of Applegale so much longer. But people from the outside world never knew about any of the towns inperfections, due to bribery. Most citizens in Applegale were multi millionares, so they gave a large fourtune to keep the grieving family and the police force quiet. Most of the time, they gave in to the large pile of money and never spoke another word about it. Applegale was a unofficial dictatorship, with most of the citizens being the dictator to theirselves. But, I was lucky for only being alienated, instead of killed from my fellow neighbors. When I was born, I was a very beautiful baby, always adored by others. But as I got older, my deformity began to settle into my skin. I was cursed by discoloration as a large spot stood out in on the side of my face. My parents, ashamed and embarrassed by having to deal with a deformed child, immediately took me to get it fixed. But after the plastic surgeon practically laughed in my parent's face and told me that a 7 year old was way too young to go under the knife, they gave up their plans to cancel out my flaws.Well almost, at least. Right after we came from the plastic surgeon's office, I can remember that whole scene while I was in the car with my parents. I can remember the atmosphere. It was so thick with tension, that I could barely breathe. Then, I can vividly remember my mother ask my father, "James. Can we please go to the mall right now? It's important." He replied, "Alice, I don't see why not. But don't take long. I have a meeting at 4." So we pulled up to the mall's parking lot. Personally, I never was so fond of going to the mall, so normally, I always stayed in the car with my dad. But then, my mother demanded, "Victoria. Please get out out of the car. You're going with me today." "But I don't want to go mom!", I replied, as tears started to caress my eyes. "Now!" She ordered. So Then I climbed out of the car with my mother, as she grabbed my hand. At first, I was very oblivious of the reason why she was taking me to the mall with her when she already knew that I hated it. Then suddenly, the reason washed over me and consumed me like a giant wave. We walked all through the mall, through perfect familes with their children who stared at the side of my face, groups of teenagers whispered and giggled to each other and result of seeing me, and even solitary people looked up. I just wanted to disappear. I wanted to melt and saturate into the floor so escape that horrible feeling of being the freak. Then, finally, we stopped at a cosmetic boutique. We entered the store, and I was awashed by expensive smells of perfume and body cream. Not suprisingly, the store was only occupied by only a few customers, excluding the saleswoman, who was walking towards our direction. When she was only a couple feet away from my mom and I she glanced at my mother, and then at me, Her eyes immediately flinched at my sight and then it immediately went back to my mother. Then she asked, "Hello. How may I help you?" My mom smiled with her pearly white smile and then replied, "Yes. Where can I find the foundation?" The saleswoman pointed over to the left of the small boutique as she said, " It's right over there, Here, let me show you." We followed her as she guided us, and I couldn't help but to look at her. She was the typical resident of Applegale, with a heartshaped face ,occupied with prominent blue eyes and full, cherry lacqured lips, with silky, chestnut colored locks cascading down her back. Her body was also very thin and long, clad in a clean and crisp ralph lauren polo, khaki bermunda shorts, and her feet fitted perfectly in her wedges. I wouldn't be suprised if she used to be a supermodel. Then we arrived there, to the shelf of countless foundation bottles, concealer, and face powder. "Thank you so much for helping us.", My mother said " No problem miss.", the saleswoman replied. After a long period of time, my mother finally chose one bottle of foundation, that was my exact skin color, and a tube of concealer. Then we walked up to the counter as she paid for the items with the credit card. Then, we finally left. An hour after I got home, I was sitting in my room, playing with dolls, deep in my imagination based world. Then, a knock, followed by a voice brought me back into reality. "Victoria? Are you in there? ", my mother asked. "'Yes mother." "Well I need to speak to you.", she demanded. My bedroom door opened. After my mother walked in with her tote and settled in a overstuffed chair, she said, " Come over here, would you?" I grabbed a pillow, and then sat on the floor across from her. Then she asked, " Do you want to know why I took you with me to the cosmetic boutique?" "No," I lied, still in denial about the whole situation. " Well Victoria, I don't want you to be the freak of this neighborhood with that scar. I can't take you to the plasic surgeon, so here is the product that will make you normal." "But Mom," I asked, "what does it matter whether I'm normal or not? Why can't I be a regular kid?" "Vicky, let me give you a bit of wisdom here. People in this town do not care about the inner contents of you, they only care about your appearances. They will judge you by that scar and only by it; and they wouldn't care how you're really like inside if you're flawed. So please follow my advice, or your life in this town will be a terrible place for you for many years to come. " Then, my mother bended down and reached into her tote, grabbing the foundation and face powder. She continued," So here is the product that will make you normal. Please wear it or your not going to fit in this society. As a matter of fact, I'm going to show you how to put it on right now." So, without hesitation, I let her apply the foundation, eventhough in the inside, I was screaming, begging her to stop. I didn't want this oily stuff on my skin like a adult, I wanted to be a kid. However, on that day, I wasn't a kid anymore. That was the first day of trying to be the prototype of Applegale. Actually, I'm double majoring in Journalism and English. I'm a aspiring writer, but I realized how hard it is to even get something published. So, I'm still striving to have some of my poetry and hopefully a novel published during my life, but I still have to make a living in order to survive. And Greenwich? I don't live there, and the story isn't based on that town.

I ask Democrates, are we going to stand for the Left wing doing what the are doing?Glenn Greenwald?

Wal*Mart jokes are still funny? 1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations. 2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store. 4. Don't bother doing your own shopping. Simply find someone with a full trolley containing roughly the items you need, and when they are not looking take it and go pay for it at the checkout. (this is not stealing, they did not own the items yet, they were simply 'moving them around') 5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners. 6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap. 7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters. 8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit, then arrange them into erotic poses. (be creative with the gift-wrap tubes used in point 6). 9. When there are people behind you, walk really slowly, especially in thin aisles. 11. Turn all the radios to polka stations; then turn them off and turn the volume up to full blast. 12. Re-enact a fatal incident involving the automatic doors. 13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi. I haven't seen you in so long." etc. See if they play along. Insist on calling them 'Bob', and if they protest, get angry about it (violent if necissary). 14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who buys this crap anyway?!" 15. When you leave the store, try your car keys in the door of every car in the car park until you get to your own. Then drive off as if this is perfectly normal. (Note- if you don't actually own a car and walked to the store, attempt the above by substituting car keys with your house keys). 16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you are taking it for a test drive. 17. Follow people through the aisles, staying about 5 feet behind them. Do this until they leave the store. 18. Ask if you can test some super-glue before buying it, then walk around the store gluing random items to other items/customers/staff. For added fun: See how many cashiers you can glue to each-other before any of them notice. 19. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner say "BEEP" in a loud voice. Repeat this for every item, and for other customers items. If the cashier protests, kill them. 20. Take off your shoes and tell them you want to return it and when they say you didn't buy it there say "The customer is always right dammit!!" Make a scene. 21. Move "Caution : Wet Floor" signs to The parking lot 23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from other aisles. 24. Ask a really fat customer "Son im gonna need that ham back" 25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "I'm Batman. Come Robin, to the Batcave." 26. Climb things. 27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles. 28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down. Once you have mastered this, progress to "boobs". 30. When 2 or 3 people are walking ahead of you, run between them yelling "Red Rover." 31. Make up nonsense products and ask employees if there are any in stock. (i.e.: Shnerples). Do a vague hand-mime of what a 'Shnerple' looks like to assist them. 32. Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full-scale battle with G.I. Joe vs. X-men. 33. Take bets on the battle from above. 34. Test the brushes and combs in Cosmetics on all the live animals in Pet-Care. 36. Hold indoor shopping cart races. 37. Put your T-Shirt on top of your head and say "I AM THE GREAT CORNHOLIO! I AM A GRINGO!" 38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags. 39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags against their will. 40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies." 41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store. 42. Two words: Marco Polo. 43. Leave Cheerios in lawn and garden, pillows in the pet section, etc. 44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's using an alternative alphabet of your choosing. 45. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look with various funnels. 46. When someone steps away from his or her cart to look at something, quickly place random combinations of items in their cart, such as 'A Large Cucumber and a Tub of Vasceline'. 47. Relax in the patio furniture drinking beer until you get kicked out. 49. Pay off layaways 50 cents at a time. 50. Drag a lounge chair over to the magazines and relax. Go to the food court, buy a drink, and explain that you don't get out much and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it. 51. Start playing Football, see how many people you can get to join in. 52. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putiing one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles. 53. Play a game of indoor freeze tag. 54. Drive around the entrances screaming out the window "the British are coming! the British are coming!!" 55. Have a team race with your friends- one person sits in the cart, the other pushes. 56. Run into a pyramid of cans, heroically saing "I'm gonna save us from that bomb!" 57. Grab heavy but not too heavy objects, and see who can throw them the most aisles over. 58. Randomly direct people to the deodorant section 59. If people arent looking at their cart, steal it. 60. See how much stuff you can break before you get caught.

lookie here!?!? On Sears hair dryer: Do not use while sleeping. On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. On some Swanson frozen dinners: Serving suggestions: Defrost. Printed on the bottom of Tesco Tiramisu dessert: Do not turn upside down. On Marks and Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication. On Nytol Sleep Aid: Warning: May cause drowsiness. On most brands of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use. On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: Contains nuts. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. On a Swedish chain saw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals. On a toboggan: Beware: Sledge may develop high speed under certain snow conditions. On a knife sharpener: Caution: knives are sharp. On shin pads for cyclists: Shin guards cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover. On a take away coffee cup: Caution: Hot beverages are hot. Emergency safety procedures at a US summer camp: In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood proceed uphill quickly. In a microwave oven manual: Do not use for drying pets. On the back of a pilot's seat in a Nato aircraft: Seat must be facing forward for take-off and landing. On the bottom of a cola bottle: Do not open here. On a Harry Potter wizards broom: This broom does not actually fly. On a box of aspirin: Do not take if allergic to aspirin. On a bottle of laundry detergent: Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine. On a muffin packet: Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat. In a kettle instruction manual: The appliance is switched on by setting the 'ON/OFF' button to the 'ON' position. On a ketchup bottle: Instructions: Put on food. On a bottle of rum: Open bottle before drinking. A car park sign: Entrance only. Do not enter. A sign in a street in Hong Kong: Beware of people. Rules on a tram in Prague: Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be persecuted. Sign on newly-renovated ramp entrance, USA: Take care: new non-slip surface. On a can of air freshener: For use by trained personnel only. On a bottle of baby lotion: Keep away from children. On a pair of socks bought in egypt: Do not wash. On a 500-piece jigsaw puzzle: Some assembly required. On a can of pepper spray used for self defense: May irritate eyes. On a Frisbee: Warning: may contain small parts. In a car handbook: In order to get out of car, open door, get out lock doors, and then close doors. On a packet of cashew nut pieces: Warning: This product may contain residue of nuts. Directions for mosquito repellant: Replacing battery: replace old battery with a new one. On a birthday card for a one year old: Not suitable for children aged under 36 months or less. In a hotel bedroom: Please do not turn on TV except when in use. In a lift in a Japanese hotel: Push this button in case anything happens. On a toilet cleaning brush: Do not use orally. On a can of Spray paint: Do not spray in your face. On a TV remote: Not Dishwasher safe. On a blowtorch: Not used for drying hair. On a washing machine inn a launderette: No small children. On a bottle of hair dye: Do not use as Ice Cream topping. On a push along lawn mower: Not to be used as a hedge trimmer. On a box of fireworks: Do not put in mouth. On the packaging for a wrist watch: Warning this is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants. In a dishwasher manual: Do not allow children to play in dishwasher. On a toaster: Do not use underwater. On a mattress: Do not attempt to swallow.

how much more debt can we afford on the backs of the working class . WHo wants a graduated tax system back .? Remember that those people who make the most in this life are reliant on the most . Its the roads we all pay for they use to ship products .Its the shopping malls that need waste water run off systems and waste water treatment . Its our entire infrastructure that supports businesses . Today they choose to run out on us taking the Jobs where new offices and factories are cheaper to build and the jobs they want us for is building vacation homes and serving them dinners in 5 star eatery's, washing their laundry and cars and clipping hedges and mowing lawns . Nursing them back to health and working for them for the lowest wages possible based on the number of available workers willing to do the job correctly . I do not feel bad about taxing others at a higher rate then the vast majority of people . Billionaires will not lose sleep and their kids will not skip a meal or miss out on dental care If we tax them more . You think people would stop because you tax them more .LOL The people who earn hundreds of millions of dollars do so because they are driven like alcoholics to the bar the are driven to work and no matter what you tax them they will continue to do it . Its a lot of crap to say if we tax the rich more they will quit working . You can not stop these people . 300 million and I am retired right . Thats what you would say but you will keep on doing what you do . Cause change is always hard to accept

Is anyone interested in100 Ways to Save or Make $100 Bucks?Then read on!? 1. Set up an apple cider stand on a crisp fall day. 2. Start a gift-wrapping service at the holidays. 3. Sell items from the attic using an on-line auction service. 4. Wear your winter coat one more season--you've always loved it, anyway! 5. Set up an automatic paycheck withdrawal for $2 per week. 6. Hold a garage sale. 7. Barter with neighbors or friends for needed household services. 8. Babysit for neighbors. 9. Mow lawns. 10. Post a flyer at the grocery store offering to help people move. 11. Start a spring cleaning service. 12.Walk dogs. 13. Offer seamstress and tailoring services. 14. Sew instead of buying clothes or home accessories. 15. Provide a taxi service for elderly neighbors. 16. Bike to work. 17. Car pool. 18. Use public transportation. 19. Park in the less expensive lots and enjoy the exercise you get from walking! 20. Conserve electricity at home and estimate monthly savings. 21. Find a student (kindergarten through college) who needs a tutor. 22. Cut out candy and snacks; donate what you save on these purchases and dental bills! 23. Take outgrown kids' clothes to a consignment shop. 24. Take your duds from the '70s or '80s to a vintage shop-everything old is new again! 25. Camp instead of staying in hotels on vacation. 26. Give up cable television for a few months--or forever! 27. Pet sit for neighbors who are traveling. 28. Make Saturday "Homemade Pasta Night" instead of dining out. 29. Borrow the latest best-sellers from the library instead of buying them. 30. Give up soft drinks for a whole summer. 31. Take a Thermos of fresh-brewed coffee to work instead of stopping for gourmet brew. 32. For your birthday, ask friends and family to make a gift to Mennonite Board of Missions, Commission on Overseas Mission, Commision on Home Ministries or Ministries Commission, Mennonite Church Canada in your name. 33. Give up your gym membership for the summer and exercise in the fresh air and sunshine. 34. Use coupons when shopping, and donate the savings. 35. Shop at yard sales and thrift stores--you never know when you'll find a hidden treasure. 36. For large household purchases, look for bargains on-line. 37. Pay off credit card debt so no interest collects. 38. Don't let water run while brushing teeth and turn out lights when you leave a room. 39. Offer your services as an office temp or substitute teacher. 40. Design Web sites for local families and businesses. 41. Buy cost-cutter brands for staples and household supplies. 42. Email friends and family instead of calling. 43. Make your own gift cards for holidays and birthdays. 44. Wear more "hand-me-downs" instead of buying new clothes. 45. Buy clothes that mix-and-match for each season. 46. Start flowers from seeds instead of buying seedlings. 47. Put on a family or neighborhood talent show and charge admission. 48. Use vinegar and water for a general household cleaning solution and save on expensive products. 49. Collect cans. 50. Study your health insurance policy and discover ways to avoid health care costs. 51. Plant a larger garden and sell vegetables at a roadside stand. 52. Instead of taking friends or clients out to dinner, send a donation in their name. 53. Donate your holiday club account and give homemade gifts this year. 54. Instead of buying a new CD every week, trade with your friends. 55. Scale back your vacation this year, or choose a service project instead. 56. Wait another six months for any major household purchase. 57. Postpone an upgrade to a software application you use. 58. Make a choice: Chocolate or coffee. Movies or eating out. Experience the one you choose more fully and donate your savings. 59. Buy a live plant instead of fresh flowers to decorate your table. 60. Love your looks--give up hair color, permanents, and other things that detract from your natural beauty. 61. Learn calligraphy and make money addressing invitations and lettering announcements. 62. For special family nights, plan on a video and pizza at home instead of dinner and a movie out. 63. Take the kids to the grocery store with you instead of hiring a babysitter. 64. Restrict your use of the cellular phone to emergencies only. 65. Choose eyeglasses with a sun clip instead of buying prescription sunglasses. 66. Wait for summer clothes to go on sale. 67. Be creative with leftovers--use them for work lunches. 68. Find loose change and save it in a coffee can for a year. 69. Bathe the dog yourself and save the groomer's costs. 70. Do your own house painting this spring instead of hiring a professional. 71. Play tennis on the public courts and save fees. 72. Give up golf for a few weekends and hike in a state park instead. 73. Rake lawns in your neighborhood in the fall. 74. Donate your expense checks from work-related travel. 75. Hold a bake sale. 76. Have friends over for parlor games instead of going out to the theater or a concert. 77. Shovel snow for money. 78. Organize a neighborhood car wash. 79. Sell lemonade on a hot summer day. 80. Take used sporting equipment to resale shops. 81. Buy a frozen pizza and cook it instead of ordering one from a pizza place. 82. Assign a dollar amount to each book or page a family member reads, then donate family earnings. 83. When you order fast food, don't supersize it! Ask for water instead of a soft drink. 84. Get rid of your lawn service and donate savings. 85. Start a babysitting coop with people from your church or neighborhood, and donate the money you save on sitters. 86. Dust off that bread machine and treat yourself to homebaked bread for pennies. 87. Offer a matching gift to family members who contribute to Mennonite Board of Missions, Commission on Overseas Missions, Commission on Home Ministries or Ministries Commission, Mennonite Church Canada. 88. Check to see if your public health department offers low-cost vaccines. 89. Plan several vegetarian meals each week. 90. Sell your famous preserves or fruitcake to friends looking for holiday gifts. 91. Buy next year's holiday supplies at day-after sales. 92. Learn how to change the oil in your car. 93. Skip purchasing season football tickets and have friends over to watch the game on TV. 94. Get rid of phone service add-ons--call waiting can wait! 95. Set the thermostat at 65 and snuggle under a blanket. 96. Only go to matinee showings of movies. 97. Choose the cheap seats for concerts and sporting events. 98. Start a resume or word-processing service. 99. Find a housemate. 100. Organize a cycling or running event with people donating a specific amount per mile covered.