The Grass Doctor

I just bought my cat grass seeds that grow in a plastic box? and i was wondering if your cat is suppose to eat it or play with it??

What do cat grass seeds look like? are they bigger or smaller than alyssum seeds?

How do I harvest cat grass seeds? I grow misc. grasses indoor for my cats and birds to eat. It is usually sold on the market as "cat grass." What it is exactly, I am not sure. Anyway, I dont really like buying catgrass kits over and over.. and I was wondering, how can I harvest seeds from the grass so I can replant it? If it means anything, I plant the seeds, water daily, they sprout in about a week, and about a week later are at least 5 inches high. I do not know much about harvesting seeds of any kind, so any help is appreciated.

Is it better for cats to chew on an entire cat grass or to serve them in tiny pieces? Hi! I have bought a box of cat grass seeds and grown some grass sucessfully for my 2 kittens of 5 and 7-month old. When I gave the kittens the grass to chew on, one seems interested and the other ran away(!). And, the one which is interested took a loooong time to finish chewing one, if sucessful. I tried cutting the grass into tiny pieces and sprinkle them on top of their dry food. I know the kittens ate the grass as the grass are gone together with the food. But is chewing on the grass better then eating them directly in tiny pieces? Any advise? Thanks!

At what age does cat grass take effect in cats? I have a 5 week old cat and bought cat grass seeds, I want to know if it'll effect him before I plant them.

Questions about cat grass: How should I serve it to my cat (not to be mistaken with CATNIP)? I bought a pot of ready cat grass seeds and all I had to do was water it and plant it at home. So now that it's grown, my kitty is having trouble eating it. He's trying to, but the grass keeps falling out of his mouth. How are we supposed to serve it? Are we supposed to just put the whole pot for him, or take the grass OUT of the pot and give it to him?

Growing Cat Grass. What should they look like? I have planted Cat Grass seeds in soil in pots about a week ago. Has anyone grown Cat Grass before? They have recently sprouted. I am not sure they were cat grass seeds, as they are growing in almost translucent with oval buds at the top. Is that normal?

What is a safe fertilizer to use on plants grown for cats to eat,cat grass, rye seed ,lettuce,cat nip,? I want to grow these plants for my cat but they are not doing well,sprout and die.I have miracle grow but do not think that it would be safe for a cat to consume. I have miracle grow but have not used it because i do not think it is safe for cats.My cat does eat the plants that is the reason for growing them and they are in a sunny window.

Is cat grass the same thing as wheat grass, and is it safe to feed it to guinea pigs?!? I wanted to buy wheat grass for my guinea pigs for a treat, so i wanted to know if cat grass was the same thing, and if it was safe to give to guineapigs to eat. I saw it at the pet store and was woundering if it was okay for them to have. If not i can just buy wheat grass seeds. But is wheat grass the same as cat grass, and if so is it safe for guinea pigs to eat? Thanks in advanced :] i basically wanted to know if cat grass was the same thing as wheat grass, so is it????

mites in my cat grass soil? help please!!? I planted cat grass seeds in some all purpose soil a few days ago in a highly indoor (top floor condo far away from outdoor plants) planter. I have and inch or so of sprouting, but some of the blades look kinda purple? I looked really close and dug around a little and I found tiny, TINY WHITE BUGS!! They are crawling around in the soil mostly, not on the top. They remind me a little of ant larvae if you ever seen those. How could my soil have caught them? I don't even get flies up here! Other details you might need: I live in southern Cali a few blocks from the beach. I used multi-grass organic cat seeds, and cat nip. I used Black Gold all purpose potting soil enriched with multicote plant food. For flowers and vegetables. Also is this soil okay for cats? I figured if it was okay for veggies it would be okay for them. Could the bugs have come in the soil? Do you have any idea what kind of bugs they are and how to deal with them concerning my cats will be eating the grass. yuuuuuck! I am disgusted by bugs! Any help would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!!! Make sure the bugs werent from the soil! Call the place you got it from. I just planted some and didnt get tiny bugs. I planted it outside too. I too live in So cal. Thanks Lizzie! I doubt the store will know anything about it, it's just a small store on a military base. I suppose I could call the company though. It's really creeping me out. I HATE bugs, and I don't want them to hurt my cat grass or my kitties. :( I meant to put quotes around what you said, lol! I had some leftover soil. I just put a 2 tablespoons of it on a plate and sifted through it. I didn't see any bugs. I wet it and put it far from the infested soil. I'm going to see if this seedless mix catches some of the bugs. Maybe fungus gnat larvae? I think I saw I tiny black fly thing in here before. The revolting pictures I have seen look much larger although they are prob zoomed in. I don't notice a black cap on them either....??? These things are so tiny, they might only be 2 mm. Digital..: I don't think I can use pesticides because I am going to be giving this to my cats to roll around in and eat. I have found one that might be okay though, what do you all think about using Diatomaceous earth? Safe for my cats to roll in, and possibly eat a little? Also that link you gave me sent me to a homepage that said nothing about my situation :( OneBear4...: I obviously don't want to toss it if at all possible, I have a huge bag of seeds and don't want to waste supplies if I don't have to. Are you trying to say that I am not going to be able to fix this, and that it's too much of a danger to my cats? If you are going to suggest being wasteful, please explain. Also what if it is fungus gnat larvae or something that will probably just come back if I start all over? THANKS EVERYONE! More answers would be appreciated!

Has anyone used Cat Grass or Grass Seed for their Cat? Did they seem to enjoy it? Did you grow it or buy it already grown?

Is Oat Grass Seed (for cats) the same as Oat seed from farm supply stores? I was wondering if there was any difference between oat grass seed as sold for cats as cat grass and the stuff you can buy from a farm supply catalog. What strains of seed are officially considered cat grass / sweet oat?

Cat grass that lasts more than a week? I was wondering if anyone had found any cat grass seeds or plants that last more than a week or two? My cats like the cat grass, but they don't chew on it enough to make it worth buying a new one every 2 weeks. Is there any cat grass species that will keep for an extended period of time? Will planting the seeds in a nutrient rich potting soil or a ceramic pot help at all? I'm also thinking about getting a cat nip plant for them but what am I supposed to do with the plant in order to make it safe for them to play with? I figured I would just pick the leaves and once they are dried out put them in the pouch of a cat nip toy, but if anyone else has other suggestions, please share :-) Thank you so much for your help!

How do I plant cat grass? i am new to planting seeds. i bought a package of cat grass seeds. this is exactly what i bought: http://www.botanicalinterests.com/store/search_results_detail.php?seedtype=F&seedid=214 it's quite a lot of seeds in that one package. do i plant all of the seeds at once? what kind of large/low pot should i use so the cats dont knock it over? what is the type of pot in the front of the package called? the directions are: seed depth = 1/4" to 1/2" seed spacing = 1/8", dense what does that mean and how closely do i need to follow it? thanks! how often do i need to water and how much? the package doesnt say. thanks!

What varieties of seed are best for growing cat grass? I think wheat is most popular, but are there other species of grass that will be okay? I'm disgusted with the price of the 'kits' that are sold as a specialty thing (uuggh -marketing spins..) Some lawn grasses seem a little coarser, or hard & stringy. Would budgie, canary, or wildbird seed be useable to grow sprouts edible to cats? Am hoping also that this question saves other cat-people a few bucks. If wheat truly is the best, where would a city-dweller buy wheat seed? I'm in Toronto, Canada. Thank you in advance!

Has anyone grown cat grass? I grew some cat grass from seed and it sprouted very quickly. About two weeks later it started turning brown and dying. Did I water it too much or not enough? Any recommendations are appreciated, I am going to grow it again.

Where to buy wheat grass for my guinea pigs? I have grass in my front and back yard, but it is fertilized in a yearly basis, so i don't want to give them that. I want to buy wheat grass, or wheat grass seeds, but i don't know where in california you get it. Can you buy wheat grass seeds from whole foods? thanks. Also i wanted to know if cat grass ( the grass you find in petstores) is safe to feed them?

Cat Grass...what kind is it? (pet store is too expensive...I want the seeds)?

Growing cat grass...Help please...? Ok, so my cat is an indoor cat so I decided to grow here some grass. I got a little kit from the store and she really liked it. It was just a 5 dollar kit that I bought to tide her over until I could really grow her some good grass. Does anybody have any recommendations on how to do this. Should I just get a big pot and grass seeds? What are your thoughts. (Yes, she is a little spoiled bitch).

Is there any type of grass that is bad for cats to eat? I have been buying cat grass from the pet store and my cats love it. The eat at it a little and a time and don't throw it right up. I was wondering if I can buy some grass seed that may be cheaper and last longer than the pet store stuff?

Can my dog safely eat Cat Grass? Recently I bought a few packs of seeds and noticed Cat Grass, so I got some to grow in a pot in my garden for my dog as I don't have grass in the garden but paved areas and gravel.Having looked on the internet to see if it's safe for my dog to eat, I couldn't find a good answer.My dog sometimes eats grass when I walk her in the park where there's plenty of grass of course, so I hoped by growing some for her in the garden would help.Thanks in advance for any helpful answers. Thanks Kate, I did already know that but good of you to answer.What I want to know is, the Cat Grass that can be grown from seed, can it be safe for dogs too?

Can cat grass get TOO MUCH sun? I bought a cat grass kit the other day, I kept it in a warm, dark place after putting the seeds in the dirt, as the instructions told me. I looked at it this morning and it was beginning to come in. I didn't have any place to put it indoors,I didn't want him messing with it before long enough, and little kids are near. So, I put it outside, and (sorry for such a long question) can it get too much sun?

What kind of seeds? Growing grass for my pet rabbit...? As my lawn is beomming out of order, there are holes everywhere from our rabbits eating/digging. What i need to know, what kind/type of grass seeds will i need to buy so i can plant them in the lawn? it needs to be safe for bunnies, dogs and cats. thankyou

what kind of grass seed do I buy to plant for my indoor cat to eat?

My outdoor cat doesn't have much grass to eat.? I have an outdoor cat, and we live in the desert. I mean, the high desert. The very small grass patches that we have in our yard is quickly disappearing, and so are the weeds (not drugs!! what makes you think that?). My mother would not allow the cat inside, and I know that grass is needed to help the cat throw up indigestible items, such as bones and fur. No matter how many times I explain this to my mother, she always says that it would be okay, since our dog had been sick once, and recovered without going to the vet. Personally, I think she's crazy. My cat is a tortoiseshell and nearly two human years old. If we were to plant grass or grass seeds, it would never sprout in this season, especially in the desert! My cat now eats or nibbles on grass-like plants except these plants' surfaces are rough, sort of like sandpaper. Is this safe? What should I do?

How do I keep cats from using my new sod, soil and grass seed as a litter box? We just paid a landscaper $2300 to install a stone patio and new sod, soil and grass seed in our shady back yard. We need to grow grass quick! The problem is that every time I go back there, the neighbor's disgusting cats have dug holes and defecated-gross! I sprinkled some hot pepper capsules(humane) from Home Depot around the perimeter, but its not working...HELP!

GROWING CAT GRASS?? (help!)? so i bought a pack of cat grass and it says: "kaifeng, the content of dishes such as uniform shop in the containers, the overall water to be damp, not soaking, 3-five days sprouting can be intake. best planted temperature of 16-29-32. winter low temperatures to keep planting more than 20 degrees in temperature...." so i read it 5 times and cannot make any sense outta it. after opening the package i discovered that the contents are mostly gold wood scraps looking stuff. the seeds are big and red or small and green. the package doesn't specify what seeds are in there. so the thing is, do i pour this over dirt or do i need dirt at all. dose it mean 3-5 days or 35 days. this is confusing. HELP! :C

Are you this good? Have you found the perfect spot to stash your cache? I have. I bought a month's supply of cat grass seeds and put them in a safe place. So safe they may never see the light of day again. Do you do this?

can people eat cat grass? i joust want to know cause i know we can eat the seeds but noot sure about the actual grass

How important is it for my cats to have fresh grass ? They also love the new grass seed shoots. They adore eating it, I can pick a blade of grass & have a nibble whenever outside to do their business. They are are on a 90% raw diet, with a bit of canned as flavouring and dry food as a treat.

I got a "Chia Cat" for Xmas and my cat ate some? I got a variation of a Chia Pet called "Chia Cat" and its seeds are cat grass. Its meant for cats to eat and since I have an indoor cat I thought it was a great idea Well the cat grass got to grow around 2 inches and I showed it to my kitty. She seems to love it and she chewed the hell out of it and made it from 2 inches to 1 inch. Then almost immediately after she started gagging and eventually threw it all up on the floor. Should I be concerned? I followed all the directions to a T and the grass seems to be growing great. Why would it make my kitty sick? Should I let her eat it again in a few days or should I keep it away from her?? This is the exact chia cat I got for Xmas http://www.chia.com/catgrass.html

Growing grass indoors? I'm trying to grow some cat grass (wheat, barley) inside. I have never successfully grown any plant (I killed a cactus once-it didn't drown). I've had the seeds in dirt and water in a covered container for 3 days like the package said and there's no sprouting yet. I need some tips on growing this grass, please. Like I said every plant I've ever had has died a horrible death.

Is grass grown from regular grass seed okay for cats? My cat goes nuts over grass. I have bought him the already grown grass from Petco. However, it is usually only good for one time with him b/c he will not leave it alone b/c he is so obsessed with it. I have tried putting it on top of the refrigerator and other really high places, but he always manages to get up there. He chews on it so much that it never gets a chance to grow back. I have even put it outside, but even then it may grow again only once and then dries out fast. Lately, he has been running outside when I let my dog out to get to the grass in the yard.(and when I do catch him before he can run out he meows at the top of his lungs for at least 30 minutes b/c he is angry with me) When he does manage to get out, I stand with him for a couple of minutes just to let him munch on the grass a bit. He hasn't gotten sick off of it, which leads me to my question...Is grass grown from regular grass seed okay for cats? It seems to me that it would be cheaper just to grow a really huge pot of grass outside and then bring it in for him every so often so he can much on it. Even then I am not sure if it would last long in a pot, but I don't like him going outside. Any insight would be appreciated.

Is this safe for me to eat? Well, I got cat grass, just opened it, wondering what the seeds taste like...... Will cat grass seeds harm a human if swallowed? P.S. Says on back of package it's suppose to get rid of hair balls.

Cats/and what type of grass can they eat? I know you can grow wheat grass or lemon grass for cats to enjoy. But when if you grow grass from bird seed? or better yet, wild bird seed...would that be safe for a cat to munch on? and please don't replay with buy pet grass from a pet store...I already know that I can do that. I want to know if the grass from wild bird seed with be ok for them to eat?

My bent grass lawn is turning brown? The bent grass seed instructions were followed to the letter, now after a month the lawn is turning brown in spots. No dos or cats on the lawn, so that's not it. Fungus treatment does not seem to help. Seed states after hardening off, the lawn can be watered "once or twice a month" and stops growing at about 4-5 inches height. HELP!? The tiny lawn in question is near Pismo Beach, California, about 3 miles inland. Foggy, coastal influence, otherwise 7-10 inches of rain a year.

how to grow grass on dirt kind of sand material ? ok half of the lawn if grasss and then dirt well 10 years ago before i bought the house the owners had put sand for their cats i know wtf huh but now its practically dirt so should i just get those squares of dirt but then it wont match my other grass please help . before i tried throwing dirt and grass seeds but kids ran all over it and only half of that area gets sun the whole day so its reALLY hard what you recommend?

What kind of sprouts do dogs like? My dogs like to graze on blades of weed grass in the yard or on walks, so I thought I would grow them their own pots of sprouts, the way people do for cats. But what? Pet shots don't sell "dog grass" seeds so I've tried buying two kinds of cat grass -- one was oats and one was a mix of wheat and oats. They grew into tempting-looking spears, but my dogs expressed no interest. Does anyone know what kind of sprouts are healthy for dogs and easy to grow?

Has anyone actually ever used Patch Perfect or CanadaGreen grass seed? Both products *claim* to grow anywhere. If you have used either of them, what was your experience? How well did it work? My back yard is basically a huge sand lot that attracts fleas as well as stray cats that use it as their litter box, but I need a cost-effective solution to thwart these pests... BTW, I can't afford sod, and we have water restrictions (fines are doubled for offenders) here in St Pete. Thanks for your help! Specifically WHICH product did you or a neighbor use?

Can I grow wheat grass from grains of wheat? I know that cats like wheat grass, so is it the same as when its grown from wheat seeds?Please answer if you are completely positive-Thanks

What's a safe indoor plant that cats like to eat? I have an indoor cat, and recently I purchased a little kit that grows oat grass seed to see if she liked it. She LOVED it, and I had to buy another kit because she ate most of the other. However, it's a $3 purchase for this kit with oat grass seed! What are some simple seeds or plants I can buy that she will love to munch on to satisfy her greens needs?

Will this help? Hi i have recently got a 6 month old kitten (i think she is about 10 months old). We are trying to keep her as a house cat as my other cat got killed by a car. We have just bought a cay harness and lead and have been taking her in the garden in the afternoon for a stroll, which she still is not to sure about. She has plenty of toys which she only occasionally plays with. I was considering getting another kitten maybe about 8 /9 weeks old to keep her compnay. Because she doesn't go out i have just bought cat grass seed and me and my little by have planted them tonight. Does anyone know how long it takes to grow, and will she enjoy it as we don't let her out on her own. Also would like your advice on gettting a young kitten to keep her company? Thanks xxxx Thanks for that jenniero, but considering i live in a area with lots of busy roads, roaming dogs and cruel nasty youths, i don't think that is a good idea. How dumb are you OMG!!!!!! saddo

how do i get clay cat litter off the ground? my husband accidentally dropped a case of clay cat litter on the ground outside it has not gone away or dissolved or anything its just sitting there now and i cant rake it up or spray it away or anything like that and I wanted to make our yard look better but cant ye until i get that clay out so i cant plant more grass seed what can i do

where can I purchase "oat Seed" in San Antonio, TX? I grow oat seed grass for my cats and can not find a retailer here to purchase the seeds.

How long can you store wheatgrass seeds? I want to grow my own wheat grass enough for three people and a cat so I was wondering if I purchase 25 pounds of wheatgrass if it will last long? This is my first time getting into growing wheatgrass so I'm just learning. But do to health reason for my son and I and my other half I think it is best.

please help me .. i have a cat problem... hurry before my dad tries to shoot them =[? okay so i have grass seed in my backyard but i have a cat living under my shed. and it keeps messing with the seed and my dads getting mad. hes being an @$$ and says hes gonna take out his bebe gun. i told him not to casue im not having that happen to the cat. its really pretty. how can i scare it away and keep it out of my yard for good so it can be safe? please help me.. i dont want anything to happen to it. and nobody is listening to me when i tell them to leave it alone. =[ thanks so much. i know its illegal... that is why i am askign for help. if i do catch it then will a shelter come pick it up? b/c im not sure anybody will take me and im only 16 so i cant drive on my own yet.

How do I re-train my cat? My 10 month old cat has lived with us since he was 3 months old. His cushion, litter tray and food have been kept in the laundry since we've had him and he has been shut in there at night and when we're out. A couple of days ago, we had a 'cat flap' put in the laundry door, so that he can come in and out when he wants; that way when we go out we just close off the laundry from the rest of the house. I also put his bed in a kennel which I placed under the verandah and his litter tray outside. We left his food bowl in the laundry to protect from ants etc. Anyway... clearly I have done this all wrong! He wouldn't sleep in the new bed, so I have brought it back into the laundry with the plan to somehow slow up the transition; he does his wees in the litter tray outside, but the other he does in the newly sown grass seeds. He quite happily comes in and out of the cat-flap as he chooses. Now - HOW do I successfully adapt him to using the kennel outside and using the litter tray outside. Anyone? Please?

Do I need to treat my seeds differently? I'm working on my very first garden. I bought several packs of seeds and I plan on purchasing some whole plants once I'm sure our winter is over. My question is--I have several different kinds of seeds. Should I germinate them all? Or should I plant some and germinate some? What is the best way to germinate them? I buy eggs in the 2.5 dozen batches, so I was planning on using the egg crates to start some seeds. I'm also mildly familiar with the paper towel way. And I think I read somewhere about using a 2-liter bottle. I'd really appreciate your advice. Here are some of the seeds I picked out: Snap peas Green beans Summer squash Cilantro Spinach Basil Cat grass Sunflowers Chamomile Lunaria (I know nothing about this plant, it just looked pretty) Lavender Bachelor's Buttons I will absolutely choose a best answer... =D Thanks for your help.

What plant can I get that my cat can eat on safely? I don't want a kit, or seeds, I just want to go to the garden center and pick up a small plant that he can safely munch on a few leaves. So don't mention catnip or grass. If you don't know, you don't have to say so, you can just try to answer another question.

Do your dogs and cats kill your grass? ◙◙ Speedy Lawn Patching ◙◙ ◙ If all you are doing is patching your lawn you can plant it and it will be 8 inches tall in 2 days. I know it sounds impossible. But I have done it many times. ◙ Plant the seed as you normally would. But this time cut a piece of clear plastic a foot wider than the area you are patching and place something heavy like rocks around the edges to hold it down. Poke two small holes in the plastic somewhere near the center for ventilation. ◙ Take the plastic off the next morning to water the area and recover it with the plastic. Do not go past 2 days or your new grass will turn yellow and you will have to start all over again. ◙ This works best in the spring and the fall. Do not try it in the middle of the summer. The temperature will be too high under the plastic. ◙ I am a cheapskate so I get free plastic by having furniture stores save those big clear plastic bags that mattresses come in. :)

My Cat has bugs! What are they? Problem! My Cat, he’s less than a year old, has bugs! He’s a stray as most of my cats are, but he disappeared into the woods for two days. Upon coming back, he brought some friends with him---many! These friends are small white bugs about the size----than head lice, maybe even small rice. They tend to be around the area where he poops and pees, to be less sickening. They might even be coming form within him I combed his hair and he had a ton of little white grass seed like things attached to the hair in his fur. It was abundant around his tail, so I lifted it up and was shocked. A boat load of little white bugs were on him, as they have tended to do wherever he sits. So I sprayed insect repellent on him (safe for animals) and he meowed and spread his legs in a squat position. He got up and left a lot of his “friends” with him. What is this? What can be done? How should I treat him, and am I endangered of the same? Please help! Frontline any good? Are they mites perhaps or something worse? While reading though these I googled maggots and it looks like that. Am I at risk, and if so how do I cure him and possibly me if I am?

How do you keep cats from your newly planted lawn as a litter box? We recently tilled up our front yard and planted grass seed. It appears that some of the neighborhood cats like to use one area of the lawn as their own personal litter box.

help has my cat got cancer?? my cat is about 12years old she has a little sore on the corner of her eye i thought first it mite be a grass seed in there but sometimes she has her eye half closed.i tryed at first to wipe it off but it just bleeds anyone know whats rong?

Do your cats and dogs kill your grass? ◙◙ Speedy Lawn Patching ◙◙ ◙ If all you are doing is patching your lawn you can plant it and it will be 8 inches tall in 2 days. I know it sounds impossible. But I have done it many times. ◙ Plant the seed as you normally would. But this time cut a piece of clear plastic a foot wider than the area you are patching and place something heavy like rocks around the edges to hold it down. Poke two small holes in the plastic somewhere near the center for ventilation. ◙ Take the plastic off the next morning to water the area and recover it with the plastic. Do not go past 2 days or your new grass will turn yellow and you will have to start all over again. ◙ This works best in the spring and the fall. Do not try it in the middle of the summer. The temperature will be too high under the plastic. ◙ I am a cheapskate so I get free plastic by having furniture stores save those big clear plastic bags that mattresses come in. :)

I need help with my plants!:)? I have some seeds of cat grass for my Kitty, i have some herbs seed that i will love to grow them i will lake to plant some cherry tomatoes, the thing is i cant have them out side, it have to be inside, also i don't know if i have to buy uv lights? or how much i have to water them etc. i had plants before and they ware flower plants saddle they died and i don't know way, i water them, and mybe because the pot was to small? or maybe because my room does not have alot of light, please help, some one help!!! thanks

What specific kinds of grasses can a sulcata eat and not get sick? I'm starting to incorporate more greens into his diet but we don't have much of a yard to get clippings from (and I don't know if it's been sprayed with anything) so I was thinking about growing grass indoors like people do for decoration or their cats, but obviously for my tortoise to treat himself too. I just need to know what kinds of grass seeds I can buy. Wheat grass? Winter Rye? "Cat" grass? Fescue? Bluestem? I just wanna make sure I don't get the wrong kind...Thanks for all your help!

my cat keeps trowing up and wont eat much? my cat keeps trowing up its been everyday for the past couple off days same times its chunky but i took her dry food away because that's all she would eat now that i have done that she wont eat wet food i got her to eat a little bit yesterday and it seamed to be all fine unitll this morning when she trow up it was a yellow liquid now but she is drink as much as normal but is sleeping a lot more and she hasn't lost weight. i don't know if this might be stress because we did recently get a dog but she seams to be fine now with him . she hasn't been out side much excepted a couple of times and she have also gotten a grass seed such just above her eye witch has also made her eye swollen we puled it out and her eye went down very quickly im not 100% sore if i got all the seed out could that be the problem and what eles could it be HELP please ok i just feed her and shes loveing it does that help much

Wheat berries / grass for cats? Curious about the wheat grass momI bought at a pet store for her cats. The cats love it which makes me wonder if I can buy the wheat grass (or berries?) at a seed shop. Is there a specific kind I must find? I buy seeds at fedco seeds and they have an organic Spring Wheat T. Aestivum available as well as a Winter Wheat. Will these work and be fine?? Seems the cats wheatgrass (bought at the pet place) only grows a few inches tall so .... I am confused :) Any thoughts or advice???? Just to clarify - I have a great organic seed supplier yet need to know what wheat to purchase. The ones listed are all Triticum Aestivum varieties. Is there a specific one to buy? Seems the one the cats have only grows a few inches tall.

Getting rid of gophers? One side of our yard is completely ruined by gophers. They moved in last fall, and I have no idea how to get rid of them. They make huge mounds of dirt & tunnels all over(too big for moles) we also want to plant grass seed in this area as we had a new septic put in last year. I also have 3 bigs dogs & a cat who don't do anything about them! Anyone have any suggestions? I don't want to use "bombs" because they are near our septic lines. Thanks!

Is "catgrass" really beneficial to cats? Hi! Are there real benefits of cat grass? I am referring to those which can be bought from pet shops. They usually come in the form of a box containing seed which we must add water to grow it. Some manufacturers claim that they are healthy and can help prevent furball. Is that true? Thank you.

Kat grass versus real grass? I've seen what they call " kat grass " at the local pet store. I was thinking about buying some ... as my cats love to nibble on my plants. The vet said grass is good for kittys ... but my question is, what is the difference between this kat grass they sell and outdoor? Is it better for them? One of my kittys has megacolon and gets constipated along ... I see that some of these kat grass are different kinds ... one says flax seed kat grass ... would that be good for my kitty with constipation problems?

If you bought me a….....? Chia cat grass for Christmas, what kinds of seeds would you plant in it? i have to admit...this was the stupidest question i have ever asked!! i apologize to everyone!

What is wrong with him? Our 2 female cats who are both fixed have made a friend with our next door neighbours cat, he's fixed I think cause he doesn't do the Mow Mow thingie. Our cats have known him for months, they go off playing toghether, he has been starting to come around our house looking for our cats and for something to eat, now I don't mind this one bit, but he came around last night with something wrong, he was sneezing lots and had an irritated watery eye? We have lots of grass seeds around here which might be the problem, but it could be the cat flu? He didn't really have a runny nose at all. What could it be?

where can I buy wheatgrass seed in Richmond Hill? I want to make some wheatgrass juice for myself and plant a small pot of grass for my cats. Thank you!

Has yahoo answers ever treated you unfairly? This is an appeal I sent yahoo answers. My answer was deleted and 10 points was taken off my account. I would have no problem if I had done something wrong but I don't know what I did! Has this happened to anyone else? I answered a question about a hyper cat. The woman just wanted to know how to calm her cat down. I Answered this question from personal experience. I did nothing wrong here. My answer was flagged and I sent an appeal. You rejected my appeal. Again, I repeat, I did nothing wrong here. The only thing I can think of that might be considered material for deletion is using the word "grass". I assure you the product I was mentioning is legitimate. It is a canister of dirt that you plant seeds into and it grows grass (like your lawn grass not marijuana.). This is exactly what I said. "I just bought my cat some cat grass. She loves it and its good for her digestion! She also loves toys so i have about 6 toys for her. Also, cats love being high up, so buy a cat tree. She'll be one happy cat if you have these things!" Yahoo said my violation reason was on Community Guidelines and/or Terms Of Service. Please tell me what I did wrong in detail and I will accept it.

Pumpkins growing in my rats' digging box...? I have a 10g tank with cat grass, wheat grass, and regular lawn grass planted for my rats. I also threw in some seed mixes for them to dig out. Turns out the pumpkin seeds are actually growing into pumpkins... is this safe for them?

why is this happening and what can i do, i live in a high flat,? but have always had cats, i also have always bought from pet shops, little grass seed pots, and it is only dry seed in them, i water it and leave it om my window sill and in about five days the grass has grown for my cats which they love, but lately and it is only lately i have noticed that after about a month, there are hundrds of little midgies in the grass, where are they coming from, the grass has no contact to the outside at all only on my window ledge, inside as there is not much of a window ledge outside anyway, is it little midgie baby eggs that are in the seed do you think , and when i water do they come alive or what, is there anything i can put in it to stop them. what i have to do the now is shake pot down sink every day and as i said ther are hundreds, and i keep them back from my cat, my cat really wants and needs this grass as he looks for it every day , when he gets up in morning, i have been buying this grass for years but this has only happened the last couple of months, how do i stop them, coming and from where are they coming. thanks

Help,I'm having yard issues!? Everytime I sprinkle out grass seed to get my lawn to grow, the birds seem to eat the majority of them up, therefore my grass is spotty in places and looks a mess. Also, how can I keep the neighborhood cats, racoons, and possums out my yard and keep them from urinating on my grass which I also think is stunting my grass' growth. Oh,one more thing (lol) How in the heck can I keep mosquitoes away (those torches and candles are not working and I know they are attracted to our pool as well) Help!

Do you 'member how things were ....before? By-Gone Era The art of conversation Reader’s Digest on the coffee table Straining to see the first snowflake Whittling Playing the harmonica Hambone, hambone...have you heard? Not being in a rush Using a pencil down to the nub Tiddlywinks, Woody woodpecker, Winnie Winkle Being afraid of the ferris wheel In a hurry to grow up Wondering how much money the tooth fairy was going to leave Making helicopters with maple tree seeds Slowly chewing grass stems of cat tails Tripe slowly simmering in a pan Being embarrassed over small matters A fruit cake that actually tasted good When knowing 16 colors covered everything Delicious cold water from the fire hydrant More delicious-er cold water from the water pump Packing in the car to go to the drive-in movie Commonplace Cardinals, Blue Jays, humming birds and Butterflies flitting about in your backyard The smell of the warm damp earth Fresh milk on your doorstep Buying milk from a vending machine Argo Clothes Starch Washboards Wet laundry frozen solid on the line Glorious sun dried sheets Absolute stillness after a snowstorm Thinking that there was plenty of time Wishing you said I love you just one time

are my mystery snails (2) eating my plants? i have the current set up: 30 gallon tank with 12 livebearers, 4 cory cats, 1 female betta, and 2 mystery snails lately my plants are looking not yellow, but chewed up. ESPECIALLY my mondo grass. i have the current plants: Mondo grass some un opened bulb seeds 2 anubias driftwood 1 red lugwia. ALSO, could i possibly even keep mystery snails with plants? was planning on buying more snails to get rid of some algea... but, help?

I'm just wondering..... . .. . . . .? Who do Atheists believe created birds, trees, dogs and cats, grass, flowers, bees, people, clouds, snow, rain, the sun, the moon, meteor showers, horses, fish, seeds, DNA, atoms, protons and neutrons, leaves, sound, color, taste, joy, turkeys, deer, etc. etc. ??????????? Serious question.........So Atheists please answer each one individually. And of course, please include your 'proof' of each, as I know that you do not believe in anything without PROOF . SMILE !!!!!

Any adcvice to make my essay better? It is supposed to be really discriptive. Due today. Cherry Street In a suburb of Dallas where I used to live is a street called Cherry. Throughout most of my childhood Cherry Street was the place I lived and breathed. I remember everything about that street, the smells, the sounds, the tales of all the harebrained neighbors and the rumors about the oddly quiet ones. The first thing that anyone would notice when driving down Cherry Street is the colors. The houses like rainbows blended perfectly together down the pavement and came in an array of colors. There were school bus yellows, soft spring lavenders, and peaches with crimson hearts painted on the shutters. Our house was more subtle, a clean white trimmed in baby blue. Though it didn’t stand out like some of the other houses our house had the most trees and that is the main thing I remember about living on Cherry Street. Every house was covered from front to back with dozens of trees. There were tall skinny trees with long thin arm like branches that stretched the length of the yards. There were short stumpy trees with leafs that grew in random clusters scattered all over the tops and sprouted long skinny seeds every spring. My favorite was the big tree that sat in the center of our front yard. It was the biggest tree on the street. The trunk was thick it humped and grooved so that there were spots just big enough for our feet when we climbed up into it. Then about halfway up dozens of thick limbs exploded in different directions. The limbs grew tall and wild soaring and diving in all directions, twisting through the limbs of the surrounding trees. My siblings and I would all claim a spot in the tree naming it after whatever animal the shape of the odd branches seemed to take. We also used to roller skate. On Cherry Street the sidewalk is a nearly flawless smooth and glittered heaven. Even if you’d managed to trip over the one imperfection in the pavement –a jagged square of sidewalk that was just a little higher then the rest- you’d never scrape your knees of the palms of your hands. The side walk was soft and glassy falling down was like more like falling into pillows, so we’d just race as fast as we could without a worry. One thing we did have to worry about was the wacky neighbors. Right next to our house a woman lived with her husband and young granddaughter. Their house was perfection all year round. They lived in the only brick house on the street and their front doors where white with golden tinted windows that cast a glow when the sun hit them just right. When the wind blew you could smell the summer musk of freshly mowed grass which was always a luminous green even in the dead of winter. When it was springtime we’d sneak tastes of the sweet honeysuckle that grew along the fence line until they cut them down. In between their front door and another door that was also in the front but hardly used was a garden that was raised off the ground and surrounded by the same brick as their house. The flowers were even more colorful than the houses and sung as the sun rolled through the branches of the trees and into their petals. Every time they racked the leaves in their yard they would throw them over the fence and into our yard, my parents didn’t like it but my siblings and I were happy because it just gave us a bigger pile to jump into every fall. A little further down was the single vacant house on the street. It was white, just white and loomed over the surrounding houses. There was no mailbox and the numbers on the house were gone. Everything about the house left you with an empty feeling. There was no for sale sign in the yard and no trace of the owners, it was simply abandoned. The windows with their broken and twisted blinds were big glaring eyes that sent trimmers up our spines when passing it. The grass was overgrown and the bushes were wild and twisted together. Once we sunk in the back yard and took turns sticking our heads into the old doggy door at the grimy kitchen and ran for our lives when we swore we saw a ghost staring back at us. There is no place like Cherry Street. Whether my sibling and I were stealing the neighbor’s cat or their mail or if we were jumping from the tops of the tallest trees we dared to climb in, I will never forget living on Cherry Street.

A question about my security deposit and damage to the house? Ok, so I have a cat that was having bladder problems for a few weeks and because of that I have quite a few pee stains on the carpets of my rental home. They're definitely going to need to be replaced. We rented an industrial carpet shampooer and did all of that, but the spots are still there and they still kinda stink. Ok so I know our landlord is going to have a fit about that, but whatever. My question is this, can he still keep our security deposit even though we've made improvements to the home? When we moved in there was an ANCIENT washer and dryer set that died on us so we went and purchased a brand new set, cost us a pretty penny......about the same as our security deposit. Also, when we moved in, the front and back yards needed serious landscaping work, which we did out of our pocket. We re-planted some grass seed, cleared out a lot of weeds/debris, planted a lot of bushes and annual flowers, and put in some nice landscaping stones/etc. Can he still keep our security deposit even though we've made all of these renovations to the home??? Just FYI - we got the OK from the landlord to do all of this work before we did it. david.......you're comparing a car wash and an oil change to an $800 washer and dryer set and $400 worth of landscaping. My security deposit was only $850. Well whatever.....if he does, I'm taking everything I did with me. I paid for it and he has no right to keep it. I'll pull the bushes and the flowers and stones out......THAT would be leaving it like I found it!

Is it wrong to hunt small game and not use the animal afterward? For the longest time, I was always completely against hunting. I really despised hunters for awhile, but started to realise it was needed - but also still refused to ever take part in it. But, three months ago, I recieved a pellet gun for my birthday. In the comings weeks, I started to shoot small game in the woods (chipmunks, squirrels, crows, birds, etc). But recently I've started to feel bad about it for a few reasons: -I don't use the meat or the body at all. It feels like such a waste to kill something and not use it for anything. But, I do sometimes kill chipmunks and use the carcasses as bait for crows. If I don't, I always bury the body and say a prayer (I'm religious don't make fun of me lol). -I really like animals! I feel really bad killing something that seems so innocent. I mean, whats the difference between a squirrel or chipmunk and your pet cat? Also, I know if I was in the animals situation, I wouldn't want some dumb teen killing me for no good reason -I feel hypocritical! Just months ago I was a firm member of PETA! Now I'm out killing animals for fun. I will never call myself a hunter, because I don't do it all the time, no more than 3 times a month, when I get the chance or I'm simply bored. -My parents and grandparents don't really approve of it. They think I'm changing and don't think its right to kill something if youre not going to use it (food, clothing, etc) The main reasons that I keep going out "hunting" are: -It gives me something to do. I really don't have a hobby or talent, and I have really good aim! So this is something that I am not only good at but also have fun with. -My friends hunt. This lets us share something in common. Its something we can do together. Also, in my defense, I do hunt in moderation. I estimate the population of each species (number chipmunks, squirrels, crows, etc in the area) and base the amount of animals I can shoot with that. There were alot of chipmunks in our woods a few months ago, so I let myself kill about 10 each month. Squirrels, on the other hand, are not so bountiful around here for some reason, so I only kill one for each "season" (fall, winter, spring, summer) so thats four a year. There are a lot of crows in our area and they are pests, and also they are easily scared and hard to get to, so I have no limit on those - get as much as I can. I havn't gotten one in the past 2 months so don't worry! So what do you guys think? Is it ok for me to once in awhile go out and shoot small game? What do you think of this solution? I could stick to killing crows. They are eating our grass seed and trash, and get really annoying. Though my parents don't want me out killing, they really do hate the crows. I could just "thin the herd" by taking out a few crows each month, to keep the population controlled. I could also stick to shooting targets and cans in between crow hunting BTW, I am still and always be a strong democrat haha (Though I am against abortion) Just thought I'd let you all know that.

New seeds, where to plant for garden.? I live in Central North Texas west of Fort Worth on my own little Rock of Gibraltar. My south facing back yard has one tree. So I have full sun (10am to 5pm), partial, mottled sun (all day) and 2 hour morning sun only (the house shades this spot). Last year, my tomato (full sun) yield was poor as were my green peppers (full sun). I can't get grass to grow back there, much less veggies. I compost for healthy dirt, but nothing seems to work. So, I don't really care where I plant things back there. I do have a "arboretum" coming along, but that takes money and time. Those things are close to the house and already in the ground. I hate the tree as the roots pop up above ground making it dangerous to walk (still wearing bandaids cuz of the holes in my foot). So, with all your great knowledge, please tell me where to plant the following. Cantaloupe Acorn Squash (I know these viney critters from past experiences) Rutgers' Tomatos Cherry tomatos Snap peas Pole beans I have an herb garden in the front yard that's been doing better every year. Seems the garlic chives and onions do best in the front, so I will keep them there. My husband gave me carte blanche on the entire back yard. The only pests I get are stray cats and huge banana spiders that talk back atcha! Plus, the occasional praying mantis, geckos and grass snakes. I'm not worried about critters. The cats piss me off more than the bugs bug me. So, if you can, help me figure out the back yard so I can eat this summer. And, yes I have my own roto tiller.

baby bird!? I found a baby bird in my yard in some tall grass. I watched it all day & no other birds came to feed it, so I decided to try to raise it. I have had it for two days now & Iv'e been feeding it wet cat food (meow mix). It has been eating, chirping, & hopping around, so I'm guessing it healthy. It can't fly yet & it's already lost most of the fuzz & has started to get it's feathers, other wise it's a fledgling. I was wondering if it would just stop eating the cat food & start eating seeds when it gets to old for cat food or will I have to slowly start feeding it seeds until it gets used to them??? please don't post answers such as take it to a wildlife rescue center or something like that! thanks! The bird is a blue jay!!!

biology question help? 1. Which food chain relationship illustrates the nutritional pattern for a primary consumer? 1. seeds and fruit eaten by a mouse 2. an earthworm eaten by a mole 3. a mosquito eaten by a bat 4. a mold growing on a dead frog 2. Which term describes the bird and the cat in teh following pattern of energy flow? sun -> grass -> grasshopper -> bird -> cat 1. herbivore 2. saprophytes 3. predators 4. omnivores 3. The elements stored in living cells of organisms in a community will eventually be returned to the soil for use by other living organisms. The organisms that carry out this process are 1. producers 2. herbivores 3. carnivores 4. decomposers

Cats eating wildflowers? I live in AZ and was thinking about throwing down some wildflower seeds in the backyard. I've tried to grow grass back there before but as soon as it sprouts, my cat eats it. So I am concerned, if I try to grow wildflowers and he eats them, will it hurt him?

What kind of foods to give to a teddy bear hamster?? I have a teddy bear hamster named Fiesty and I always give her little treats I wanted to know some good hamster foods and foods that are bad for hamsters. I give Fiesty: 1 cheese nip cracker Cheese Sunflower Seeds Lettuce Black Berries Apples Stawberrys Potatos Carrots Grass Moths Eggs Hard Cat Food Hard Dog Food & Green Beans NOTE: I NEVER give Fiesty these daily usually its for a speacial occassion and I only give her a couple of pieces of ONE

Good haster foods hor a teddy bear hamster??? I have a hamster, Fiesty, and I always give her little treats I wanted to know some good hamster foods and foods that are bad for hamsters. I give Fiesty: 1 cheese nip cracker Cheese Sunflower Seeds Lettuce Black Berries Apples Stawberrys Potatos Carrots Grass Moths Eggs Hard Cat Food Hard Dog Food & Green Beans NOTE: I NEVER give Fiesty these daily usually its for a speacial occassion and I only give her a couple of pieces of ONE. MEAT TO SAY FOR a teddy bear hamster MEANT TO SAY FOR a teddy bear hamster

How do I get seeds from a plant? I am growing cat grass and some seedum and i want to grow more of it in a different place and don't want to buy new seeds( i know cat grass grows inside)

What are you allergic to? Weird, nonexistent, or just normal? Mine are cat dander, dust mites, birch and pine trees, pollen, freshly mowed grass, lace stuff, feather boas, grape seed oil, cinnamon, most perfumes, most flowers, nickel, dandelions... And I'm lactose intolerant-YOUR TURN!

please help!!!? My house sparrow tried to fly today! she got about 3 1/2 feet! Does that mean it's time to give her seeds? If it is time to stop giving it to her how do I wean her? Do you think I should mash seeds up & feed them to her. Or maybe I should just put seeds in the cage & not give her cat food & when she realizes she won't get any more cat food she will eat them. Any other ideas??? I have no idea how old she is. I found her in some tall grass... I watched her for about 2 hours & no birds came. I couldn't find a nest & she was really weak so I decided I would help her out. I've had her for almost 4 days & she is doing really well. I asked this question before but I only got 3 answers & none of them helped much.

we found a baby chipmunk? our cat killed its mother a couple days ago and just now my dad found the baby in the grass outside what do we do with it? we gave it a slice of apple and some sunflower seeds and put it in an old plastic container and poked holes in it and shredded newspaper and tissue paper and its sitting outside it seems un hurt and its just sitting in the box but what should we do with it?

Mouse in spinal shock? My cat got to a field mouse and I suspect it is in spinal shock. It cannot use it's back legs well, and is shaking. It is in a empty 10 gallon tank with some grass, leaves and pieces of leaves. I found it last night around 7:00 and it made it through the night. It is eating and drinking (crackers and seeds) Is there any hope it will survive? What else can I do to help it? Just wanted everyone to know that the mouse is doing fine. He has "come out of shock" and now is running all over.

China: From Death Camp to Civilization. Why very limited power to government is crucial? Mao unknown story?

just want to see if anyone can anwer all these? If Dracula has no reflection, how comes he always had such a straight parting in his hair? Why do they put "for indoor or outdoor use only" on Christmas lights? Does the President have to pay taxes? Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside? If you mated a bull dog and a shitsu, would it be called a bullshit? How fast do hotcakes sell? If you wore a teflon suit, could you ever end up in a sticky situation? Why is an alarm clock going "off" when it actually turns on? Why are semi-trucks bigger than regular trucks? What is a male ladybug called? Since we see little birdies when we just get knocked out, what do little birdies see when they just get knocked out?? If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth? Can a guy named Nick have a 'nick'name? Do cows drink milk? How come some Little Debbie snack cakes come in a twin pack and others are wrapped individually? Why do people call it an ATM machine, but they know it's really saying Automated Teller Machine Machine? Why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going too ? Why is it when we laugh in school the teachers say do you find something funny? When obviously we do? strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that ? 364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from If all of the Acme stuff doesn't work, why does Wile Coyote keep buying their products? If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch? Can you cry under water? Does Hawaiian Punch come from Hawaii? Just what was the "Baby On Board" sign for? Did it help us decide which car not to hit in case of an accident? When a boy is named after his dad, he is called 'Junior,' but what do you call a girl that is named after her mother? I didnt wonder all these. I found them at bored.com. Theres thousands of them. Why are dandelions considered weeds when daisies are considered flowers? Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? Whenever an adult is kidnapped why isn't it called adultnapped?? Why do blacklights look purple? Did Yankee Doodle name the feather, hat, town, or his pony Macaroni? Why is it that people duck in the rain, do they really think the rain won't hit them? How come the Bible is the most stolen book, and one of the ten comandments is "thou shall not steal"? Why isn't the caps lock capitalized? If there's a hole straight through the earth, from the south pole to the north pole, and you jump through it what would happen? would you keep falling forever, or fall back down when you get to the middle, or is it physically impossible? If someone with a nostril ring takes it out, then blows their nose, do they have to cover that hole as well as their nostril holes so that snot does'nt blow out everywere Isn't it weird that if you rearange the word "teacher" you get cheater

Poll: Did you like The Oddysey or The Iliad better? I liked the Iliad better. This was my favorite part: Sing, O goddess, the anger of Achilles son of Peleus, that brought countless ills upon the Achaeans. Many a brave soul did it send hurrying down to Hades, and many a hero did it yield a prey to dogs and vultures, for so were the counsels of Jove fulfilled from the day on which the son of Atreus, king of men, and great Achilles, first fell out with one another. And which of the gods was it that set them on to quarrel? It was the son of Jove and Leto; for he was angry with the king and sent a pestilence upon the host to plague the people, because the son of Atreus had dishonoured Chryses his priest. Now Chryses had come to the ships of the Achaeans to free his daughter, and had brought with him a great ransom: moreover he bore in his hand the sceptre of Apollo wreathed with a suppliant's wreath and he besought the Achaeans, but most of all the two sons of Atreus, who were their chiefs. "Sons of Atreus," he cried, "and all other Achaeans, may the gods who dwell in Olympus grant you to sack the city of Priam, and to reach your homes in safety; but free my daughter, and accept a ransom for her, in reverence to Apollo, son of Jove." On this the rest of the Achaeans with one voice were for respecting the priest and taking the ransom that he offered; but not so Agamemnon, who spoke fiercely to him and sent him roughly away. "Old man," said he, "let me not find you tarrying about our ships, nor yet coming hereafter. Your sceptre of the god and your wreath shall profit you nothing. I will not free her. She shall grow old in my house at Argos far from her own home, busying herself with her loom and visiting my couch; so go, and do not provoke me or it shall be the worse for you." The old man feared him and obeyed. Not a word he spoke, but went by the shore of the sounding sea and prayed apart to King Apollo whom lovely Leto had borne. "Hear me," he cried, "O god of the silver bow, that protectest Chryse and holy Cilla and rulest Tenedos with thy might, hear me oh thou of Sminthe. If I have ever decked your temple with garlands, or burned your thigh-bones in fat of bulls or goats, grant my prayer, and let your arrows avenge these my tears upon the Danaans." Thus did he pray, and Apollo heard his prayer. He came down furious from the summits of Olympus, with his bow and his quiver upon his shoulder, and the arrows rattled on his back with the rage that trembled within him. He sat himself down away from the ships with a face as dark as night, and his silver bow rang death as he shot his arrow in the midst of them. First he smote their mules and their hounds, but presently he aimed his shafts at the people themselves, and all day long the pyres of the dead were burning. For nine whole days he shot his arrows among the people, but upon the tenth day Achilles called them in assembly- moved thereto by Juno, who saw the Achaeans in their death-throes and had compassion upon them. Then, when they were got together, he rose and spoke among them. "Son of Atreus," said he, "I deem that we should now turn roving home if we would escape destruction, for we are being cut down by war and pestilence at once. Let us ask some priest or prophet, or some reader of dreams (for dreams, too, are of Jove) who can tell us why Phoebus Apollo is so angry, and say whether it is for some vow that we have broken, or hecatomb that we have not offered, and whether he will accept the savour of lambs and goats without blemish, so as to take away the plague from us." With these words he sat down, and Calchas son of Thestor, wisest of augurs, who knew things past present and to come, rose to speak. He it was who had guided the Achaeans with their fleet to Ilius, through the prophesyings with which Phoebus Apollo had inspired him. With all sincerity and goodwill he addressed them thus:- "Achilles, loved of heaven, you bid me tell you about the anger of King Apollo, I will therefore do so; but consider first and swear that you will stand by me heartily in word and deed, for I know that I shall offend one who rules the Argives with might, to whom all the Achaeans are in subjection. A plain man cannot stand against the anger of a king, who if he swallow his displeasure now, will yet nurse revenge till he has wreaked it. Consider, therefore, whether or no you will protect me." And Achilles answered, "Fear not, but speak as it is borne in upon you from heaven, for by Apollo, Calchas, to whom you pray, and whose oracles you reveal to us, not a Danaan at our ships shall lay his hand upon you, while I yet live to look upon the face of the earth- no, not though you name Agamemnon himself, who is by far the foremost of the Achaeans." Thereon the seer spoke boldly. "The god," he said, "is angry neither about vow nor hecatomb, but for his priest's sake, whom Agamemnon has dishonoured, in that he would not free his daughter nor take a ransom for her; therefore has he sent these evils upon us, and will yet send others. He will not deliver the Danaans from this pestilence till Agamemnon has restored the girl without fee or ransom to her father, and has sent a holy hecatomb to Chryse. Thus we may perhaps appease him." With these words he sat down, and Agamemnon rose in anger. His heart was black with rage, and his eyes flashed fire as he scowled on Calchas and said, "Seer of evil, you never yet prophesied smooth things concerning me, but have ever loved to foretell that which was evil. You have brought me neither comfort nor performance; and now you come seeing among Danaans, and saying that Apollo has plagued us because I would not take a ransom for this girl, the daughter of Chryses. I have set my heart on keeping her in my own house, for I love her better even than my own wife Clytemnestra, whose peer she is alike in form and feature, in understanding and accomplishments. Still I will give her up if I must, for I would have the people live, not die; but you must find me a prize instead, or I alone among the Argives shall be without one. This is not well; for you behold, all of you, that my prize is to go elsewhither." And Achilles answered, "Most noble son of Atreus, covetous beyond all mankind, how shall the Achaeans find you another prize? We have no common store from which to take one. Those we took from the cities have been awarded; we cannot disallow the awards that have been made already. Give this girl, therefore, to the god, and if ever Jove grants us to sack the city of Troy we will requite you three and fourfold." Then Agamemnon said, "Achilles, valiant though you be, you shall not thus outwit me. You shall not overreach and you shall not persuade me. Are you to keep your own prize, while I sit tamely under my loss and give up the girl at your bidding? Let the Achaeans find me a prize in fair exchange to my liking, or I will come and take your own, or that of Ajax or of Ulysses; and he to whomsoever I may come shall rue my coming. But of this we will take thought hereafter; for the present, let us draw a ship into the sea, and find a crew for her expressly; let us put a hecatomb on board, and let us send Chryseis also; further, let some chief man among us be in command, either Ajax, or Idomeneus, or yourself, son of Peleus, mighty warrior that you are, that we may offer sacrifice and appease the the anger of the god." Achilles scowled at him and answered, "You are steeped in insolence and lust of gain. With what heart can any of the Achaeans do your bidding, either on foray or in open fighting? I came not warring here for any ill the Trojans had done me. I have no quarrel with them. They have not raided my cattle nor my horses, nor cut down my harvests on the rich plains of Phthia; for between me and them there is a great space, both mountain and sounding sea. We have followed you, Sir Insolence! for your pleasure, not ours- to gain satisfaction from the Trojans for your shameless self and for Menelaus. You forget this, and threaten to rob me of the prize for which I have toiled, and which the sons of the Achaeans have given me. Never when the Achaeans sack any rich city of the Trojans do I receive so good a prize as you do, though it is my hands that do the better part of the fighting. When the sharing comes, your share is far the largest, and I, forsooth, must go back to my ships, take what I can get and be thankful, when my labour of fighting is done. Now, therefore, I shall go back to Phthia; it will be much better for me to return home with my ships, for I will not stay here dishonoured to gather gold and substance for you." And Agamemnon answered, "Fly if you will, I shall make you no prayers to stay you. I have others here who will do me honour, and above all Jove, the lord of counsel. There is no king here so hateful to me as you are, for you are ever quarrelsome and ill affected. What though you be brave? Was it not heaven that made you so? Go home, then, with your ships and comrades to lord it over the Myrmidons. I care neither for you nor for your anger; and thus will I do: since Phoebus Apollo is taking Chryseis from me, I shall send her with my ship and my followers, but I shall come to your tent and take your own prize Briseis, that you may learn how much stronger I am than you are, and that another may fear to set himself up as equal or comparable with me." The son of Peleus was furious, and his heart within his shaggy breast was divided whether to draw his sword, push the others aside, and kill the son of Atreus, or to restrain himself and check his anger. While he was thus in two minds, and was drawing his mighty sword from its scabbard, Minerva came down from heaven (for Juno had sent her in the love she bore to them both), and seized the son of Peleus by his yellow hair, visible to him alone, for of the others no man could see her. Achilles turned in amaze, and by the fire that flashed from her eyes at once knew that she was Minerva. "Why are you here," said he, "daughter of aegis-bearing Jove? To see the pride of Agamemnon, son of Atreus? Let me tell you- and it shall surely be- he shall pay for this insolence with his life." And Minerva said, "I come from heaven, if you will hear me, to bid you stay your anger. Juno has sent me, who cares for both of you alike. Cease, then, this brawling, and do not draw your sword; rail at him if you will, and your railing will not be vain, for I tell you- and it shall surely be- that you shall hereafter receive gifts three times as splendid by reason of this present insult. Hold, therefore, and obey." "Goddess," answered Achilles, "however angry a man may be, he must do as you two command him. This will be best, for the gods ever hear the prayers of him who has obeyed them." He stayed his hand on the silver hilt of his sword, and thrust it back into the scabbard as Minerva bade him. Then she went back to Olympus among the other gods, and to the house of aegis-bearing Jove. But the son of Peleus again began railing at the son of Atreus, for he was still in a rage. "Wine-bibber," he cried, "with the face of a dog and the heart of a hind, you never dare to go out with the host in fight, nor yet with our chosen men in ambuscade. You shun this as you do death itself. You had rather go round and rob his prizes from any man who contradicts you. You devour your people, for you are king over a feeble folk; otherwise, son of Atreus, henceforward you would insult no man. Therefore I say, and swear it with a great oath- nay, by this my sceptre which shalt sprout neither leaf nor shoot, nor bud anew from the day on which it left its parent stem upon the mountains- for the axe stripped it of leaf and bark, and now the sons of the Achaeans bear it as judges and guardians of the decrees of heaven- so surely and solemnly do I swear that hereafter they shall look fondly for Achilles and shall not find him. In the day of your distress, when your men fall dying by the murderous hand of Hector, you shall not know how to help them, and shall rend your heart with rage for the hour when you offered insult to the bravest of the Achaeans." With this the son of Peleus dashed his gold-bestudded sceptre on the ground and took his seat, while the son of Atreus was beginning fiercely from his place upon the other side. Then uprose smooth-tongued Nestor, the facile speaker of the Pylians, and the words fell from his lips sweeter than honey. Two generations of men born and bred in Pylos had passed away under his rule, and he was now reigning over the third. With all sincerity and goodwill, therefore, he addressed them thus:- "Of a truth," he said, "a great sorrow has befallen the Achaean land. Surely Priam with his sons would rejoice, and the Trojans be glad at heart if they could hear this quarrel between you two, who are so excellent in fight and counsel. I am older than either of you; therefore be guided by me. Moreover I have been the familiar friend of men even greater than you are, and they did not disregard my counsels. Never again can I behold such men as Pirithous and Dryas shepherd of his people, or as Caeneus, Exadius, godlike Polyphemus, and Theseus son of Aegeus, peer of the immortals. These were the mightiest men ever born upon this earth: mightiest were they, and when they fought the fiercest tribes of mountain savages they utterly overthrew them. I came from distant Pylos, and went about among them, for they would have me come, and I fought as it was in me to do. Not a man now living could withstand them, but they heard my words, and were persuaded by them. So be it also with yourselves, for this is the more excellent way. Therefore, Agamemnon, though you be strong, take not this girl away, for the sons of the Achaeans have already given her to Achilles; and you, Achilles, strive not further with the king, for no man who by the grace of Jove wields a sceptre has like honour with Agamemnon. You are strong, and have a goddess for your mother; but Agamemnon is stronger than you, for he has more people under him. Son of Atreus, check your anger, I implore you; end this quarrel with Achilles, who in the day of battle is a tower of strength to the Achaeans." And Agamemnon answered, "Sir, all that you have said is true, but this fellow must needs become our lord and master: he must be lord of all, king of all, and captain of all, and this shall hardly be. Granted that the gods have made him a great warrior, have they also given him the right to speak with railing?" Achilles interrupted him. "I should be a mean coward," he cried, "were I to give in to you in all things. Order other people about, not me, for I shall obey no longer. Furthermore I say- and lay my saying to your heart- I shall fight neither you nor any man about this girl, for those that take were those also that gave. But of all else that is at my ship you shall carry away nothing by force. Try, that others may see; if you do, my spear shall be reddened with your blood." When they had quarrelled thus angrily, they rose, and broke up the assembly at the ships of the Achaeans. The son of Peleus went back to his tents and ships with the son of Menoetius and his company, while Agamemnon drew a vessel into the water and chose a crew of twenty oarsmen. He escorted Chryseis on board and sent moreover a hecatomb for the god. And Ulysses went as captain. These, then, went on board and sailed their ways over the sea. But the son of Atreus bade the people purify themselves; so they purified themselves and cast their filth into the sea. Then they offered hecatombs of bulls and goats without blemish on the sea-shore, and the smoke with the savour of their sacrifice rose curling up towards heaven. Thus did they busy themselves throughout the host. But Agamemnon did not forget the threat that he had made Achilles, and called his trusty messengers and squires Talthybius and Eurybates. "Go," said he, "to the tent of Achilles, son of Peleus; take Briseis by the hand and bring her hither; if he will not give her I shall come with others and take her- which will press him harder." He charged them straightly further and dismissed them, whereon they went their way sorrowfully by the seaside, till they came to the tents and ships of the Myrmidons. They found Achilles sitting by his tent and his ships, and ill-pleased he was when he beheld them. They stood fearfully and reverently before him, and never a word did they speak, but he knew them and said, "Welcome, heralds, messengers of gods and men; draw near; my quarrel is not with you but with Agamemnon who has sent you for the girl Briseis. Therefore, Patroclus, bring her and give her to them, but let them be witnesses by the blessed gods, by mortal men, and by the fierceness of Agamemnon's anger, that if ever again there be need of me to save the people from ruin, they shall seek and they shall not find. Agamemnon is mad with rage and knows not how to look before and after that the Achaeans may fight by their ships in safety." Patroclus did as his dear comrade had bidden him. He brought Briseis from the tent and gave her over to the heralds, who took her with them to the ships of the Achaeans- and the woman was loth to go. Then Achilles went all alone by the side of the hoar sea, weeping and looking out upon the boundless waste of waters. He raised his hands in prayer to his immortal mother, "Mother," he cried, "you bore me doomed to live but for a little season; surely Jove, who thunders from Olympus, might have made that little glorious. It is not so. Agamemnon, son of Atreus, has done me dishonour, and has robbed me of my prize by force." As he spoke he wept aloud, and his mother heard him where she was sitting in the depths of the sea hard by the old man her father. Forthwith she rose as it were a grey mist out of the waves, sat down before him as he stood weeping, caressed him with her hand, and said, "My son, why are you weeping? What is it that grieves you? Keep it not from me, but tell me, that we may know it together." Achilles drew a deep sigh and said, "You know it; why tell you what you know well already? We went to Thebe the strong city of Eetion, sacked it, and brought hither the spoil. The sons of the Achaeans shared it duly among themselves, and chose lovely Chryseis as the meed of Agamemnon; but Chryses, priest of Apollo, came to the ships of the Achaeans to free his daughter, and brought with him a great ransom: moreover he bore in his hand the sceptre of Apollo, wreathed with a suppliant's wreath, and he besought the Achaeans, but most of all the two sons of Atreus who were their chiefs. "On this the rest of the Achaeans with one voice were for respecting the priest and taking the ransom that he offered; but not so Agamemnon, who spoke fiercely to him and sent him roughly away. So he went back in anger, and Apollo, who loved him dearly, heard his prayer. Then the god sent a deadly dart upon the Argives, and the people died thick on one another, for the arrows went everywhither among the wide host of the Achaeans. At last a seer in the fulness of his knowledge declared to us the oracles of Apollo, and I was myself first to say that we should appease him. Whereon the son of Atreus rose in anger, and threatened that which he has since done. The Achaeans are now taking the girl in a ship to Chryse, and sending gifts of sacrifice to the god; but the heralds have just taken from my tent the daughter of Briseus, whom the Achaeans had awarded to myself. "Help your brave son, therefore, if you are able. Go to Olympus, and if you have ever done him service in word or deed, implore the aid of Jove. Ofttimes in my father's house have I heard you glory in that you alone of the immortals saved the son of Saturn from ruin, when the others, with Juno, Neptune, and Pallas Minerva would have put him in bonds. It was you, goddess, who delivered him by calling to Olympus the hundred-handed monster whom gods call Briareus, but men Aegaeon, for he is stronger even than his father; when therefore he took his seat all-glorious beside the son of Saturn, the other gods were afraid, and did not bind him. Go, then, to him, remind him of all this, clasp his knees, and bid him give succour to the Trojans. Let the Achaeans be hemmed in at the sterns of their ships, and perish on the sea-shore, that they may reap what joy they may of their king, and that Agamemnon may rue his blindness in offering insult to the foremost of the Achaeans." Thetis wept and answered, "My son, woe is me that I should have borne or suckled you. Would indeed that you had lived your span free from all sorrow at your ships, for it is all too brief; alas, that you should be at once short of life and long of sorrow above your peers: woe, therefore, was the hour in which I bore you; nevertheless I will go to the snowy heights of Olympus, and tell this tale to Jove, if he will hear our prayer: meanwhile stay where you are with your ships, nurse your anger against the Achaeans, and hold aloof from fight. For Jove went yesterday to Oceanus, to a feast among the Ethiopians, and the other gods went with him. He will return to Olympus twelve days hence; I will then go to his mansion paved with bronze and will beseech him; nor do I doubt that I shall be able to persuade him." On this she left him, still furious at the loss of her that had been taken from him. Meanwhile Ulysses reached Chryse with the hecatomb. When they had come inside the harbour they furled the sails and laid them in the ship's hold; they slackened the forestays, lowered the mast into its place, and rowed the ship to the place where they would have her lie; there they cast out their mooring-stones and made fast the hawsers. They then got out upon the sea-shore and landed the hecatomb for Apollo; Chryseis also left the ship, and Ulysses led her to the altar to deliver her into the hands of her father. "Chryses," said he, "King Agamemnon has sent me to bring you back your child, and to offer sacrifice to Apollo on behalf of the Danaans, that we may propitiate the god, who has now brought sorrow upon the Argives." So saying he gave the girl over to her father, who received her gladly, and they ranged the holy hecatomb all orderly round the altar of the god. They washed their hands and took up the barley-meal to sprinkle over the victims, while Chryses lifted up his hands and prayed aloud on their behalf. "Hear me," he cried, "O god of the silver bow, that protectest Chryse and holy Cilla, and rulest Tenedos with thy might. Even as thou didst hear me aforetime when I prayed, and didst press hardly upon the Achaeans, so hear me yet again, and stay this fearful pestilence from the Danaans." Thus did he pray, and Apollo heard his prayer. When they had done praying and sprinkling the barley-meal, they drew back the heads of the victims and killed and flayed them. They cut out the thigh-bones, wrapped them round in two layers of fat, set some pieces of raw meat on the top of them, and then Chryses laid them on the wood fire and poured wine over them, while the young men stood near him with five-pronged spits in their hands. When the thigh-bones were burned and they had tasted the inward meats, they cut the rest up small, put the pieces upon the spits, roasted them till they were done, and drew them off: then, when they had finished their work and the feast was ready, they ate it, and every man had his full share, so that all were satisfied. As soon as they had had enough to eat and drink, pages filled the mixing-bowl with wine and water and handed it round, after giving every man his drink-offering. Thus all day long the young men worshipped the god with song, hymning him and chaunting the joyous paean, and the god took pleasure in their voices; but when the sun went down, and it came on dark, they laid themselves down to sleep by the stern cables of the ship, and when the child of morning, rosy-fingered Dawn, appeared they again set sail for the host of the Achaeans. Apollo sent them a fair wind, so they raised their mast and hoisted their white sails aloft. As the sail bellied with the wind the ship flew through the deep blue water, and the foam hissed against her bows as she sped onward. When they reached the wide-stretching host of the Achaeans, they drew the vessel ashore, high and dry upon the sands, set her strong props beneath her, and went their ways to their own tents and ships. But Achilles abode at his ships and nursed his anger. He went not to the honourable assembly, and sallied not forth to fight, but gnawed at his own heart, pining for battle and the war-cry. Now after twelve days the immortal gods came back in a body to Olympus, and Jove led the way. Thetis was not unmindful of the charge her son had laid upon her, so she rose from under the sea and went through great heaven with early morning to Olympus, where she found the mighty son of Saturn sitting all alone upon its topmost ridges. She sat herself down before him, and with her left hand seized his knees, while with her right she caught him under the chin, and besought him, saying- "Father Jove, if I ever did you service in word or deed among the immortals, hear my prayer, and do honour to my son, whose life is to be cut short so early. King Agamemnon has dishonoured him by taking his prize and keeping her. Honour him then yourself, Olympian lord of counsel, and grant victory to the Trojans, till the Achaeans give my son his due and load him with riches in requital." Jove sat for a while silent, and without a word, but Thetis still kept firm hold of his knees, and besought him a second time. "Incline your head," said she, "and promise me surely, or else deny me- for you have nothing to fear- that I may learn how greatly you disdain me." At this Jove was much troubled and answered, "I shall have trouble if you set me quarrelling with Juno, for she will provoke me with her taunting speeches; even now she is always railing at me before the other gods and accusing me of giving aid to the Trojans. Go back now, lest she should find out. I will consider the matter, and will bring it about as wish. See, I incline my head that you believe me. This is the most solemn that I can give to any god. I never recall my word, or deceive, or fail to do what I say, when I have nodded my head." As he spoke the son of Saturn bowed his dark brows, and the ambrosial locks swayed on his immortal head, till vast Olympus reeled. When the pair had thus laid their plans, they parted- Jove to his house, while the goddess quitted the splendour of Olympus, and plunged into the depths of the sea. The gods rose from their seats, before the coming of their sire. Not one of them dared to remain sitting, but all stood up as he came among them. There, then, he took his seat. But Juno, when she saw him, knew that he and the old merman's daughter, silver-footed Thetis, had been hatching mischief, so she at once began to upbraid him. "Trickster," she cried, "which of the gods have you been taking into your counsels now? You are always settling matters in secret behind my back, and have never yet told me, if you could help it, one word of your intentions." "Juno," replied the sire of gods and men, "you must not expect to be informed of all my counsels. You are my wife, but you would find it hard to understand them. When it is proper for you to hear, there is no one, god or man, who will be told sooner, but when I mean to keep a matter to myself, you must not pry nor ask questions." "Dread son of Saturn," answered Juno, "what are you talking about? I? Pry and ask questions? Never. I let you have your own way in everything. Still, I have a strong misgiving that the old merman's daughter Thetis has been talking you over, for she was with you and had hold of your knees this self-same morning. I believe, therefore, that you have been promising her to give glory to Achilles, and to kill much people at the ships of the Achaeans." "Wife," said Jove, "I can do nothing but you suspect me and find it out. You will take nothing by it, for I shall only dislike you the more, and it will go harder with you. Granted that it is as you say; I mean to have it so; sit down and hold your tongue as I bid you for if I once begin to lay my hands about you, though all heaven were on your side it would profit you nothing." On this Juno was frightened, so she curbed her stubborn will and sat down in silence. But the heavenly beings were disquieted throughout the house of Jove, till the cunning workman Vulcan began to try and pacify his mother Juno. "It will be intolerable," said he, "if you two fall to wrangling and setting heaven in an uproar about a pack of mortals. If such ill counsels are to prevail, we shall have no pleasure at our banquet. Let me then advise my mother- and she must herself know that it will be better- to make friends with my dear father Jove, lest he again scold her and disturb our feast. If the Olympian Thunderer wants to hurl us all from our seats, he can do so, for he is far the strongest, so give him fair words, and he will then soon be in a good humour with us." As he spoke, he took a double cup of nectar, and placed it in his mother's hand. "Cheer up, my dear mother," said he, "and make the best of it. I love you dearly, and should be very sorry to see you get a thrashing; however grieved I might be, I could not help for there is no standing against Jove. Once before when I was trying to help you, he caught me by the foot and flung me from the heavenly threshold. All day long from morn till eve, was I falling, till at sunset I came to ground in the island of Lemnos, and there I lay, with very little life left in me, till the Sintians came and tended me." Juno smiled at this, and as she smiled she took the cup from her son's hands. Then Vulcan drew sweet nectar from the mixing-bowl, and served it round among the gods, going from left to right; and the blessed gods laughed out a loud applause as they saw him ing bustling about the heavenly mansion. Thus through the livelong day to the going down of the sun they feasted, and every one had his full share, so that all were satisfied. Apollo struck his lyre, and the Muses lifted up their sweet voices, calling and answering one another. But when the sun's glorious light had faded, they went home to bed, each in his own abode, which lame Vulcan with his consummate skill had fashioned for them. So Jove, the Olympian Lord of Thunder, hied him to the bed in which he always slept; and when he had got on to it he went to sleep, with Juno of the golden throne by his side. Now the other gods and the armed warriors on the plain slept soundly, but Jove was wakeful, for he was thinking how to do honour to Achilles, and destroyed much people at the ships of the Achaeans. In the end he deemed it would be best to send a lying dream to King Agamemnon; so he called one to him and said to it, "Lying Dream, go to the ships of the Achaeans, into the tent of Agamemnon, and say to him word to word as I now bid you. Tell him to get the Achaeans instantly under arms, for he shall take Troy. There are no longer divided counsels among the gods; Juno has brought them to her own mind, and woe betides the Trojans." The dream went when it had heard its message, and soon reached the ships of the Achaeans. It sought Agamemnon son of Atreus and found him in his tent, wrapped in a profound slumber. It hovered over his head in the likeness of Nestor, son of Neleus, whom Agamemnon honoured above all his councillors, and said:- "You are sleeping, son of Atreus; one who has the welfare of his host and so much other care upon his shoulders should dock his sleep. Hear me at once, for I come as a messenger from Jove, who, though he be not near, yet takes thought for you and pities you. He bids you get the Achaeans instantly under arms, for you shall take Troy. There are no longer divided counsels among the gods; Juno has brought them over to her own mind, and woe betides the Trojans at the hands of Jove. Remember this, and when you wake see that it does not escape you." The dream then left him, and he thought of things that were, surely not to be accomplished. He thought that on that same day he was to take the city of Priam, but he little knew what was in the mind of Jove, who had many another hard-fought fight in store alike for Danaans and Trojans. Then presently he woke, with the divine message still ringing in his ears; so he sat upright, and put on his soft shirt so fair and new, and over this his heavy cloak. He bound his sandals on to his comely feet, and slung his silver-studded sword about his shoulders; then he took the imperishable staff of his father, and sallied forth to the ships of the Achaeans. The goddess Dawn now wended her way to vast Olympus that she might herald day to Jove and to the other immortals, and Agamemnon sent the criers round to call the people in assembly; so they called them and the people gathered thereon. But first he summoned a meeting of the elders at the ship of Nestor king of Pylos, and when they were assembled he laid a cunning counsel before them. "My friends," said he, "I have had a dream from heaven in the dead of night, and its face and figure resembled none but Nestor's. It hovered over my head and said, 'You are sleeping, son of Atreus; one who has the welfare of his host and so much other care upon his shoulders should dock his sleep. Hear me at once, for I am a messenger from Jove, who, though he be not near, yet takes thought for you and pities you. He bids you get the Achaeans instantly under arms, for you shall take Troy. There are no longer divided counsels among the gods; Juno has brought them over to her own mind, and woe betides the Trojans at the hands of Jove. Remember this.' The dream then vanished and I awoke. Let us now, therefore, arm the sons of the Achaeans. But it will be well that I should first sound them, and to this end I will tell them to fly with their ships; but do you others go about among the host and prevent their doing so." He then sat down, and Nestor the prince of Pylos with all sincerity and goodwill addressed them thus: "My friends," said he, "princes and councillors of the Argives, if any other man of the Achaeans had told us of this dream we should have declared it false, and would have had nothing to do with it. But he who has seen it is the foremost man among us; we must therefore set about getting the people under arms." With this he led the way from the assembly, and the other sceptred kings rose with him in obedience to the word of Agamemnon; but the people pressed forward to hear. They swarmed like bees that sally from some hollow cave and flit in countless throng among the spring flowers, bunched in knots and clusters; even so did the mighty multitude pour from ships and tents to the assembly, and range themselves upon the wide-watered shore, while among them ran Wildfire Rumour, messenger of Jove, urging them ever to the fore. Thus they gathered in a pell-mell of mad confusion, and the earth groaned under the tramp of men as the people sought their places. Nine heralds went crying about among them to stay their tumult and bid them listen to the kings, till at last they were got into their several places and ceased their clamour. Then King Agamemnon rose, holding his sceptre. This was the work of Vulcan, who gave it to Jove the son of Saturn. Jove gave it to Mercury, slayer of Argus, guide and guardian. King Mercury gave it to Pelops, the mighty charioteer, and Pelops to Atreus, shepherd of his people. Atreus, when he died, left it to Thyestes, rich in flocks, and Thyestes in his turn left it to be borne by Agamemnon, that he might be lord of all Argos and of the isles. Leaning, then, on his sceptre, he addressed the Argives. "My friends," he said, "heroes, servants of Mars, the hand of heaven has been laid heavily upon me. Cruel Jove gave me his solemn promise that I should sack the city of Priam before returning, but he has played me false, and is now bidding me go ingloriously back to Argos with the loss of much people. Such is the will of Jove, who has laid many a proud city in the dust, as he will yet lay others, for his power is above all. It will be a sorry tale hereafter that an Achaean host, at once so great and valiant, battled in vain against men fewer in number than themselves; but as yet the end is not in sight. Think that the Achaeans and Trojans have sworn to a solemn covenant, and that they have each been numbered- the Trojans by the roll of their householders, and we by companies of ten; think further that each of our companies desired to have a Trojan householder to pour out their wine; we are so greatly more in number that full many a company would have to go without its cup-bearer. But they have in the town allies from other places, and it is these that hinder me from being able to sack the rich city of Ilius. Nine of Jove years are gone; the timbers of our ships have rotted; their tackling is sound no longer. Our wives and little ones at home look anxiously for our coming, but the work that we came hither to do has not been done. Now, therefore, let us all do as I say: let us sail back to our own land, for we shall not take Troy." With these words he moved the hearts of the multitude, so many of them as knew not the cunning counsel of Agamemnon. They surged to and fro like the waves of the Icarian Sea, when the east and south winds break from heaven's clouds to lash them; or as when the west wind sweeps over a field of corn and the ears bow beneath the blast, even so were they swayed as they flew with loud cries towards the ships, and the dust from under their feet rose heavenward. They cheered each other on to draw the ships into the sea; they cleared the channels in front of them; they began taking away the stays from underneath them, and the welkin rang with their glad cries, so eager were they to return. Then surely the Argives would have returned after a fashion that was not fated. But Juno said to Minerva, "Alas, daughter of aegis-bearing Jove, unweariable, shall the Argives fly home to their own land over the broad sea, and leave Priam and the Trojans the glory of still keeping Helen, for whose sake so many of the Achaeans have died at Troy, far from their homes? Go about at once among the host, and speak fairly to them, man by man, that they draw not their ships into the sea." Minerva was not slack to do her bidding. Down she darted from the topmost summits of Olympus, and in a moment she was at the ships of the Achaeans. There she found Ulysses, peer of Jove in counsel, standing alone. He had not as yet laid a hand upon his ship, for he was grieved and sorry; so she went close up to him and said, "Ulysses, noble son of Laertes, are you going to fling yourselves into your ships and be off home to your own land in this way? Will you leave Priam and the Trojans the glory of still keeping Helen, for whose sake so many of the Achaeans have died at Troy, far from their homes? Go about at once among the host, and speak fairly to them, man by man, that they draw not their ships into the sea." Ulysses knew the voice as that of the goddess: he flung his cloak from him and set off to run. His servant Eurybates, a man of Ithaca, who waited on him, took charge of the cloak, whereon Ulysses went straight up to Agamemnon and received from him his ancestral, imperishable staff. With this he went about among the ships of the Achaeans. Whenever he met a king or chieftain, he stood by him and spoke him fairly. "Sir," said he, "this flight is cowardly and unworthy. Stand to your post, and bid your people also keep their places. You do not yet know the full mind of Agamemnon; he was sounding us, and ere long will visit the Achaeans with his displeasure. We were not all of us at the council to hear what he then said; see to it lest he be angry and do us a mischief; for the pride of kings is great, and the hand of Jove is with them." But when he came across any common man who was making a noise, he struck him with his staff and rebuked him, saying, "Sirrah, hold your peace, and listen to better men than yourself. You are a coward and no soldier; you are nobody either in fight or council; we cannot all be kings; it is not well that there should be many masters; one man must be supreme- one king to whom the son of scheming Saturn has given the sceptre of sovereignty over you all." Thus masterfully did he go about among the host, and the people hurried back to the council from their tents and ships with a sound as the thunder of surf when it comes crashing down upon the shore, and all the sea is in an uproar. The rest now took their seats and kept to their own several places, but Thersites still went on wagging his unbridled tongue- a man of many words, and those unseemly; a monger of sedition, a railer against all who were in authority, who cared not what he said, so that he might set the Achaeans in a laugh. He was the ugliest man of all those that came before Troy- bandy-legged, lame of one foot, with his two shoulders rounded and hunched over his chest. His head ran up to a point, but there was little hair on the top of it. Achilles and Ulysses hated him worst of all, for it was with them that he was most wont to wrangle; now, however, with a shrill squeaky voice he began heaping his abuse on Agamemnon. The Achaeans were angry and disgusted, yet none the less he kept on brawling and bawling at the son of Atreus. "Agamemnon," he cried, "what ails you now, and what more do you want? Your tents are filled with bronze and with fair women, for whenever we take a town we give you the pick of them. Would you have yet more gold, which some Trojan is to give you as a ransom for his son, when I or another Achaean has taken him prisoner? or is it some young girl to hide and lie with? It is not well that you, the ruler of the Achaeans, should bring them into such misery. Weakling cowards, women rather than men, let us sail home, and leave this fellow here at Troy to stew in his own meeds of honour, and discover whether we were of any service to him or no. Achilles is a much better man than he is, and see how he has treated him- robbing him of his prize and keeping it himself. Achilles takes it meekly and shows no fight; if he did, son of Atreus, you would never again insult him." Thus railed Thersites, but Ulysses at once went up to him and rebuked him sternly. "Check your glib tongue, Thersites," said be, "and babble not a word further. Chide not with princes when you have none to back you. There is no viler creature come before Troy with the sons of Atreus. Drop this chatter about kings, and neither revile them nor keep harping about going home. We do not yet know how things are going to be, nor whether the Achaeans are to return with good success or evil. How dare you gibe at Agamemnon because the Danaans have awarded him so many prizes? I tell you, therefore- and it shall surely be- that if I again catch you talking such nonsense, I will either forfeit my own head and be no more called father of Telemachus, or I will take you, strip you stark naked, and whip you out of the assembly till you go blubbering back to the ships." On this he beat him with his staff about the back and shoulders till he dropped and fell a-weeping. The golden sceptre raised a bloody weal on his back, so he sat down frightened and in pain, looking foolish as he wiped the tears from his eyes. The people were sorry for him, yet they laughed heartily, and one would turn to his neighbour saying, "Ulysses has done many a good thing ere now in fight and council, but he never did the Argives a better turn than when he stopped this fellow's mouth from prating further. He will give the kings no more of his insolence." Thus said the people. Then Ulysses rose, sceptre in hand, and Minerva in the likeness of a herald bade the people be still, that those who were far off might hear him and consider his council. He therefore with all sincerity and goodwill addressed them thus:- "King Agamemnon, the Achaeans are for making you a by-word among all mankind. They forget the promise they made you when they set out from Argos, that you should not return till you had sacked the town of Troy, and, like children or widowed women, they murmur and would set off homeward. True it is that they have had toil enough to be disheartened. A man chafes at having to stay away from his wife even for a single month, when he is on shipboard, at the mercy of wind and sea, but it is now nine long years that we have been kept here; I cannot, therefore, blame the Achaeans if they turn restive; still we shall be shamed if we go home empty after so long a stay- therefore, my friends, be patient yet a little longer that we may learn whether the prophesyings of Calchas were false or true. "All who have not since perished must remember as though it were yesterday or the day before, how the ships of the Achaeans were detained in Aulis when we were on our way hither to make war on Priam and the Trojans. We were ranged round about a fountain offering hecatombs to the gods upon their holy altars, and there was a fine plane-tree from beneath which there welled a stream of pure water. Then we saw a prodigy; for Jove sent a fearful serpent out of the ground, with blood-red stains upon its back, and it darted from under the altar on to the plane-tree. Now there was a brood of young sparrows, quite small, upon the topmost bough, peeping out from under the leaves, eight in all, and their mother that hatched them made nine. The serpent ate the poor cheeping things, while the old bird flew about lamenting her little ones; but the serpent threw his coils about her and caught her by the wing as she was screaming. Then, when he had eaten both the sparrow and her young, the god who had sent him made him become a sign; for the son of scheming Saturn turned him into stone, and we stood there wondering at that which had come to pass. Seeing, then, that such a fearful portent had broken in upon our hecatombs, Calchas forthwith declared to us the oracles of heaven. 'Why, Achaeans,' said he, 'are you thus speechless? Jove has sent us this sign, long in coming, and long ere it be fulfilled, though its fame shall last for ever. As the serpent ate the eight fledglings and the sparrow that hatched them, which makes nine, so shall we fight nine years at Troy, but in the tenth shall take the town.' This was what he said, and now it is all coming true. Stay here, therefore, all of you, till we take the city of Priam." On this the Argives raised a shout, till the ships rang again with the uproar. Nestor, knight of Gerene, then addressed them. "Shame on you," he cried, "to stay talking here like children, when you should fight like men. Where are our covenants now, and where the oaths that we have taken? Shall our counsels be flung into the fire, with our drink-offerings and the right hands of fellowship wherein we have put our trust? We waste our time in words, and for all our talking here shall be no further forward. Stand, therefore, son of Atreus, by your own steadfast purpose; lead the Argives on to battle, and leave this handful of men to rot, who scheme, and scheme in vain, to get back to Argos ere they have learned whether Jove be true or a liar. For the mighty son of Saturn surely promised that we should succeed, when we Argives set sail to bring death and destruction upon the Trojans. He showed us favourable signs by flashing his lightning on our right hands; therefore let none make haste to go till he has first lain with the wife of some Trojan, and avenged the toil and sorrow that he has suffered for the sake of Helen. Nevertheless, if any man is in such haste to be at home again, let him lay his hand to his ship that he may meet his doom in the sight of all. But, O king, consider and give ear to my counsel, for the word that I say may not be neglected lightly. Divide your men, Agamemnon, into their several tribes and clans, that clans and tribes may stand by and help one another. If you do this, and if the Achaeans obey you, you will find out who, both chiefs and peoples, are brave, and who are cowards; for they will vie against the other. Thus you shall also learn whether it is through the counsel of heaven or the cowardice of man that you shall fail to take the town." And Agamemnon answered, "Nestor, you have again outdone the sons of the Achaeans in counsel. Would, by Father Jove, Minerva, and Apollo, that I had among them ten more such councillors, for the city of King Priam would then soon fall beneath our hands, and we should sack it. But the son of Saturn afflicts me with bootless wranglings and strife. Achilles and I are quarrelling about this girl, in which matter I was the first to offend; if we can be of one mind again, the Trojans will not stave off destruction for a day. Now, therefore, get your morning meal, that our hosts join in fight. Whet well your spears; see well to the ordering of your shields; give good feeds to your horses, and look your chariots carefully over, that we may do battle the livelong day; for we shall have no rest, not for a moment, till night falls to part us. The bands that bear your shields shall be wet with the sweat upon your shoulders, your hands shall weary upon your spears, your horses shall steam in front of your chariots, and if I see any man shirking the fight, or trying to keep out of it at the ships, there shall be no help for him, but he shall be a prey to dogs and vultures." Thus he spoke, and the Achaeans roared applause. As when the waves run high before the blast of the south wind and break on some lofty headland, dashing against it and buffeting it without ceasing, as the storms from every quarter drive them, even so did the Achaeans rise and hurry in all directions to their ships. There they lighted their fires at their tents and got dinner, offering sacrifice every man to one or other of the gods, and praying each one of them that he might live to come out of the fight. Agamemnon, king of men, sacrificed a fat five-year-old bull to the mighty son of Saturn, and invited the princes and elders of his host. First he asked Nestor and King Idomeneus, then the two Ajaxes and the son of Tydeus, and sixthly Ulysses, peer of gods in counsel; but Menelaus came of his own accord, for he knew how busy his brother then was. They stood round the bull with the barley-meal in their hands, and Agamemnon prayed, saying, "Jove, most glorious, supreme, that dwellest in heaven, and ridest upon the storm-cloud, grant that the sun may not go down, nor the night fall, till the palace of Priam is laid low, and its gates are consumed with fire. Grant that my sword may pierce the shirt of Hector about his heart, and that full many of his comrades may bite the dust as they fall dying round him." Thus he prayed, but the son of Saturn would not fulfil his prayer. He accepted the sacrifice, yet none the less increased their toil continually. When they had done praying and sprinkling the barley-meal upon the victim, they drew back its head, killed it, and then flayed it. They cut out the thigh-bones, wrapped them round in two layers of fat, and set pieces of raw meat on the top of them. These they burned upon the split logs of firewood, but they spitted the inward meats, and held them in the flames to cook. When the thigh-bones were burned, and they had tasted the inward meats, they cut the rest up small, put the pieces upon spits, roasted them till they were done, and drew them off; then, when they had finished their work and the feast was ready, they ate it, and every man had his full share, so that all were satisfied. As soon as they had had enough to eat and drink, Nestor, knight of Gerene, began to speak. "King Agamemnon," said he, "let us not stay talking here, nor be slack in the work that heaven has put into our hands. Let the heralds summon the people to gather at their several ships; we will then go about among the host, that we may begin fighting at once." Thus did he speak, and Agamemnon heeded his words. He at once sent the criers round to call the people in assembly. So they called them, and the people gathered thereon. The chiefs about the son of Atreus chose their men and marshalled them, while Minerva went among them holding her priceless aegis that knows neither age nor death. From it there waved a hundred tassels of pure gold, all deftly woven, and each one of them worth a hundred oxen. With this she darted furiously everywhere among the hosts of the Achaeans, urging them forward, and putting courage into the heart of each, so that he might fight and do battle without ceasing. Thus war became sweeter in their eyes even than returning home in their ships. As when some great forest fire is raging upon a mountain top and its light is seen afar, even so as they marched the gleam of their armour flashed up into the firmament of heaven. They were like great flocks of geese, or cranes, or swans on the plain about the waters of Cayster, that wing their way hither and thither, glorying in the pride of flight, and crying as they settle till the fen is alive with their screaming. Even thus did their tribes pour from ships and tents on to the plain of the Scamander, and the ground rang as brass under the feet of men and horses. They stood as thick upon the flower-bespangled field as leaves that bloom in summer. As countless swarms of flies buzz around a herdsman's homestead in the time of spring when the pails are drenched with milk, even so did the Achaeans swarm on to the plain to charge the Trojans and destroy them. The chiefs disposed their men this way and that before the fight began, drafting them out as easily as goatherds draft their flocks when they have got mixed while feeding; and among them went King Agamemnon, with a head and face like Jove the lord of thunder, a waist like Mars, and a chest like that of Neptune. As some great bull that lords it over the herds upon the plain, even so did Jove make the son of Atreus stand peerless among the multitude of heroes. And now, O Muses, dwellers in the mansions of Olympus, tell me- for you are goddesses and are in all places so that you see all things, while we know nothing but by report- who were the chiefs and princes of the Danaans? As for the common soldiers, they were so that I could not name every single one of them though I had ten tongues, and though my voice failed not and my heart were of bronze within me, unless you, O Olympian Muses, daughters of aegis-bearing Jove, were to recount them to me. Nevertheless, I will tell the captains of the ships and all the fleet together. Peneleos, Leitus, Arcesilaus, Prothoenor, and Clonius were captains of the Boeotians. These were they that dwelt in Hyria and rocky Aulis, and who held Schoenus, Scolus, and the highlands of Eteonus, with Thespeia, Graia, and the fair city of Mycalessus. They also held Harma, Eilesium, and Erythrae; and they had Eleon, Hyle, and Peteon; Ocalea and the strong fortress of Medeon; Copae, Eutresis, and Thisbe the haunt of doves; Coronea, and the pastures of Haliartus; Plataea and Glisas; the fortress of Thebes the less; holy Onchestus with its famous grove of Neptune; Arne rich in vineyards; Midea, sacred Nisa, and Anthedon upon the sea. From these there came fifty ships, and in each there were a hundred and twenty young men of the Boeotians. Ascalaphus and Ialmenus, sons of Mars, led the people that dwelt in Aspledon and Orchomenus the realm of Minyas. Astyoche a noble maiden bore them in the house of Actor son of Azeus; for she had gone with Mars secretly into an upper chamber, and he had lain with her. With these there came thirty ships. The Phoceans were led by Schedius and Epistrophus, sons of mighty Iphitus the son of Naubolus. These were they that held Cyparissus, rocky Pytho, holy Crisa, Daulis, and Panopeus; they also that dwelt in Anemorea and Hyampolis, and about the waters of the river Cephissus, and Lilaea by the springs of the Cephissus; with their chieftains came forty ships, and they marshalled the forces of the Phoceans, which were stationed next to the Boeotians, on their left. Ajax, the fleet son of Oileus, commanded the Locrians. He was not so great, nor nearly so great, as Ajax the son of Telamon. He was a little man, and his breastplate was made of linen, but in use of the spear he excelled all the Hellenes and the Achaeans. These dwelt in Cynus, Opous, Calliarus, Bessa, Scarphe, fair Augeae, Tarphe, and Thronium about the river Boagrius. With him there came forty ships of the Locrians who dwell beyond Euboea. The fierce Abantes held Euboea with its cities, Chalcis, Eretria, Histiaea rich in vines, Cerinthus upon the sea, and the rock-perched town of Dium; with them were also the men of Carystus and Styra; Elephenor of the race of Mars was in command of these; he was son of Chalcodon, and chief over all the Abantes. With him they came, fleet of foot and wearing their hair long behind, brave warriors, who would ever strive to tear open the corslets of their foes with their long ashen spears. Of these there came fifty ships. And they that held the strong city of Athens, the people of great Erechtheus, who was born of the soil itself, but Jove's daughter, Minerva, fostered him, and established him at Athens in her own rich sanctuary. There, year by year, the Athenian youths worship him with sacrifices of bulls and rams. These were commanded by Menestheus, son of Peteos. No man living could equal him in the marshalling of chariots and foot soldiers. Nestor could alone rival him, for he was older. With him there came fifty ships. Ajax brought twelve ships from Salamis, and stationed them alongside those of the Athenians. The men of Argos, again, and those who held the walls of Tiryns, with Hermione, and Asine upon the gulf; Troezene, Eionae, and the vineyard lands of Epidaurus; the Achaean youths, moreover, who came from Aegina and Mases; these were led by Diomed of the loud battle-cry, and Sthenelus son of famed Capaneus. With them in command was Euryalus, son of king Mecisteus, son of Talaus; but Diomed was chief over them all. With these there came eighty ships. Those who held the strong city of Mycenae, rich Corinth and Cleonae; Orneae, Araethyrea, and Licyon, where Adrastus reigned of old; Hyperesia, high Gonoessa, and Pellene; Aegium and all the coast-land round about Helice; these sent a hundred ships under the command of King Agamemnon, son of Atreus. His force was far both finest and most numerous, and in their midst was the king himself, all glorious in his armour of gleaming bronze- foremost among the heroes, for he was the greatest king, and had most men under him. And those that dwelt in Lacedaemon, lying low among the hills, Pharis, Sparta, with Messe the haunt of doves; Bryseae, Augeae, Amyclae, and Helos upon the sea; Laas, moreover, and Oetylus; these were led by Menelaus of the loud battle-cry, brother to Agamemnon, and of them there were sixty ships, drawn up apart from the others. Among them went Menelaus himself, strong in zeal, urging his men to fight; for he longed to avenge the toil and sorrow that he had suffered for the sake of Helen. The men of Pylos and Arene, and Thryum where is the ford of the river Alpheus; strong Aipy, Cyparisseis, and Amphigenea; Pteleum, Helos, and Dorium, where the Muses met Thamyris, and stilled his minstrelsy for ever. He was returning from Oechalia, where Eurytus lived and reigned, and boasted that he would surpass even the Muses, daughters of aegis-bearing Jove, if they should sing against him; whereon they were angry, and maimed him. They robbed him of his divine power of song, and thenceforth he could strike the lyre no more. These were commanded by Nestor, knight of Gerene, and with him there came ninety ships. And those that held Arcadia, under the high mountain of Cyllene, near the tomb of Aepytus, where the people fight hand to hand; the men of Pheneus also, and Orchomenus rich in flocks; of Rhipae, Stratie, and bleak Enispe; of Tegea and fair Mantinea; of Stymphelus and Parrhasia; of these King Agapenor son of Ancaeus was commander, and they had sixty ships. Many Arcadians, good soldiers, came in each one of them, but Agamemnon found them the ships in which to cross the sea, for they were not a people that occupied their business upon the waters. The men, moreover, of Buprasium and of Elis, so much of it as is enclosed between Hyrmine, Myrsinus upon the sea-shore, the rock Olene and Alesium. These had four leaders, and each of them had ten ships, with many Epeans on board. Their captains were Amphimachus and Thalpius- the one, son of Cteatus, and the other, of Eurytus- both of the race of Actor. The two others were Diores, son of Amarynces, and Polyxenus, son of King Agasthenes, son of Augeas. And those of Dulichium with the sacred Echinean islands, who dwelt beyond the sea off Elis; these were led by Meges, peer of Mars, and the son of valiant Phyleus, dear to Jove, who quarrelled with his father, and went to settle in Dulichium. With him there came forty ships. Ulysses led the brave Cephallenians, who held Ithaca, Neritum with its forests, Crocylea, rugged Aegilips, Samos and Zacynthus, with the mainland also that was over against the islands. These were led by Ulysses, peer of Jove in counsel, and with him there came twelve ships. Thoas, son of Andraemon, commanded the Aetolians, who dwelt in Pleuron, Olenus, Pylene, Chalcis by the sea, and rocky Calydon, for the great king Oeneus had now no sons living, and was himself dead, as was also golden-haired Meleager, who had been set over the Aetolians to be their king. And with Thoas there came forty ships. The famous spearsman Idomeneus led the Cretans, who held Cnossus, and the well-walled city of Gortys; Lyctus also, Miletus and Lycastus that lies upon the chalk; the populous towns of Phaestus and Rhytium, with the other peoples that dwelt in the hundred cities of Crete. All these were led by Idomeneus, and by Meriones, peer of murderous Mars. And with these there came eighty ships. Tlepolemus, son of Hercules, a man both brave and large of stature, brought nine ships of lordly warriors from Rhodes. These dwelt in Rhodes which is divided among the three cities of Lindus, Ielysus, and Cameirus, that lies upon the chalk. These were commanded by Tlepolemus, son of Hercules by Astyochea, whom he had carried off from Ephyra, on the river Selleis, after sacking many cities of valiant warriors. When Tlepolemus grew up, he killed his father's uncle Licymnius, who had been a famous warrior in his time, but was then grown old. On this he built himself a fleet, gathered a great following, and fled beyond the sea, for he was menaced by the other sons and grandsons of Hercules. After a voyage. during which he suffered great hardship, he came to Rhodes, where the people divided into three communities, according to their tribes, and were dearly loved by Jove, the lord, of gods and men; wherefore the son of Saturn showered down great riches upon them. And Nireus brought three ships from Syme- Nireus, who was the handsomest man that came up under Ilius of all the Danaans after the son of Peleus- but he was a man of no substance, and had but a small following. And those that held Nisyrus, Crapathus, and Casus, with Cos, the city of Eurypylus,

The final "Lifes unanswered questions? Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin? Why is toilet bowl cleaning liquid only blue? Do they have girl’s bathrooms in gay bars? Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa beans, and all beans are a vegetable? Why is there that little space inside strawberries, as if it was meant for a pit, and then the seeds are on the outside? If heat rises, then shouldn't hell be cold? If a fork were made of gold would it still be considered silverware? How come you play at a recital, but recite at a play? Why is chopsticks one of the easiest songs to play on the piano, but the hardest thing to eat with? What happens if you put 'this side up' face down while popping microwave popcorn? Can mute people burp? Why is it that when you get out of a swimming pool, your urine is hotter when you use the restroom? Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear?? Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’? "Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?" Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable? Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate? Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse? Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat? How come we say 'It's colder than hell outside' when isn't it realistically always colder than hell since hell is supposed to be fire and brimstone? In that song, 'she'll be coming around the mountain', who is she? Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet? If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible? Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends? Can you get cornered in a round room? Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup? If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse? Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"? Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"? Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni? If you pay for a vacation and your plane crashes on the way there, do you get you money back? (Granted you lived) Why does the last piece of ice always stick to the bottom of the cup? Are marbles made of marble? Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time? "Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute? Can it be cloudy and foggy at the same time? Can a fire truck park in the fire lane? If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later? Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first? When French people swear do they say 'pardon my English'? Can you make a candle out of your earwax? Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them? If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit? If Hooters were to become a door-to-door service would they have to change their name to 'Knockers'? Why do the numbers on phones go down while the numbers on calculators go up? Do coffins have lifetime guarantees? Why is there a top line on lined paper if we never use it? When people say, "I’m so tired it's not even funny" or "my head hurts so much it's not even funny", why would it even be funny in the first place? Do stairs go up or down? Why do bullies always ask "what’s your problem" when they're obviously not going to solve it? Do they have burglar alarms at Christian bookstores? Can you put a gay man in a straight jacket? If you swallow a burp does it turn into a fart? Why is it that when adults have multiple personalities they are put in an mental hospital, but when a child has imaginary friends it's cute? Do Jewish vampires avoid crosses or Stars of David? Can you still say "Put it where the sun don't shine " on a nude beach? How come French fries are not considered vegetables, since they are just deep fried potatoes? If someone's peeing and halfway through they die, would they keep pissing or stop? Are people who are allergic to nuts allergic to coconuts too? Do the actors in the re-enactments on Americas most wanted, ever get arrested (because they were seen on TV portraying the criminal)? Can a person with no ears wear glasses? If you rented a movie and were late returning it and then you died would someone you knew or a family member have to pay the late fee? If you made biscuits with chocolate milk instead of regular milk, would they taste chocolaty? What if you were to ask a genie to grant you more than three wishes for one of you wishes? Why doesn't baking soda freeze? Do bald people get dandruff? Do the actors on Unsolved Mysteries ever get arrested because they look just like the criminal they are playing? "What was Captian Hook's name before he had a hook for a hand?" If there was a crumb on the table and you cut it in half, would you have two crumbs or two halves of a crumb? When a store has double doors why do they only let you use one of them? How do "do not walk on grass" signs get there? Whats a question with no answer called? Why do we say "heads up" when we actually duck? Are there pink lemons that make pink lemonade? Doesn't a lightning rod on top of church show a lack of faith? How come lotion is colored, but when you put it on, it doesn't turn your skin that color? Are tomatoes fruits or vegetables? Isn't it weird that all year round your parents tell you not to play with fire, but on Independence Day they hand you a package of explosives, a lighter, and say 'have fun'? How come only your fingers and toes get wrinkly in the shower and nothing else does? Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs. Why is there a little countdown (like 8, 7, 6, 5, 4) near the bottom of the copyright info page in the beginning of many books? If a pack of gum says that each piece is 10 calories, is that amount just chewing the gum, or also for swallowing it? Why do cats like to dig their paws into something before they lay down on it? When an atheist swears on a Bible before they testify in court do they have to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth since they don't believe in God? Is it possible to be allergic to water? What is the point in saying "may I ask" and then follow it up with a question? Why is there never a full English dinner or tea but there is always a full English breakfast? Why don't they make Root Beer flavored ice cream? Wouldn't it be better than root beer floats? If a General is a higher ranking officer than a Major, then why is a major illness worse than a general illness? If a baseball player hits a home run over the fence, but then dies before he can run around the bases, does the home run count? Can a unborn baby fart or burp? Why does jello have a smell when you add the powder in the water, but when it "gels" the scent virtually disappears? Why is it called a soap opera when nobody sings? If French kissing is a big thing in America, how do French people react to normal American kissing? Can you "zone out" and be "in the zone" at the same time? Do you wake up or open your eyes first? Is the vice president's wife called the second lady? If a stripper gets breast implants can she write it off on her taxes as a business expense? If your eyes are crossed, do your tears fall straight? Why do child labor laws not prohibit children from acting in movies? If a vampire were Jewish would his Sabbath start at sunrise? Why do people say "The alarm just went off" when really it just came on? Do they put underwear on corpses? Do bubbles freeze in winter? What sound does a bunny make? If you had only one hand, would second hand smoking effect you? Do suicide hotlines have hold? Have you ever wondered why in the 1500's nude photos/painting were art, while today it's pornography? If you are old and are in a bathtub how would you know if you have been in there too long? If you can see your breath outide on a cold day, could you see your fart? If you wear contact lenses and you died with them in your eyes, do they take them out?

Is this true or false?? i dnt care how long this is!!?